As Long as She Smiles
by shadowed by passion
Summary: Edward loves Bella more than anything else. Bella loves Edward, but only as her best friend. He's always been there for her and is almost always happy for her, even when her choices don't include him. He may not be happy, but he will never leave her. She may not realize what she is doing as she grows without him, but as long as she smiles, he will let her go. Drabblish - slow burn
1. Chapter 1

Hi all - this little piece I donated part of (12 chaps) to Fandom fights Hurricane Sandy. It is a drabble and I have about 14 'chapters' written. I am planning a once a day update. I may do more - I may do less(which means I may miss a day once in a while). I have a newborn and I am in the process of obtaining my first home (YAY), so my RL is busy...so bare with me.

I contemplating waiting to post this, but they are far to sweet to wait.

Huge thanks to everyone that donated to this cause. Also much love to SunflowerFran who beta'ed the donated portion of this. The rest more than likely will be all me - so excuse any late night/early morning mistakes I may make and not notice. After all, I am the mom of a 4 week old...

banner made by Christag_banners: i1202 . photobucket albums/bb372/Shadowedbypassion/Aslongasshesmilesbanner . jpg

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Since the first time my eyes met hers, I was in love. I knew she was the only girl who would ever have my heart. Granted, we were only seven, but I knew then that she was the one I wanted to grow old with.

When we were eight, we were each other's first kiss. It was beautifully awkward to say the least. Her glasses bumped against my nose as I attempted to get my lips pressed against hers.

As soon as our lips touched, she pulled away, giggled and ran off to slide down the slide. Even at eight, I hated seeing her run away from me, but at least she was smiling.

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Hope you all enjoyed...


	2. Chapter 2

This lovely chapter is being brought to you while I wait for my turn in court...why must it take so long to see a man in a robe? Don't they normally want to be seen quickly?

And to answer a question that is on everyone's mind - yes there will be a HEA...

Enjoy!

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When we were ten, we vowed to be best friends forever. We both cut our fingers to mix our blood. Blood friends we would be. It was Bella's idea.

I went first. It hurt a little, but I'm a guy, I'm tough. When Bella went to cut her finger, she cut too deep and bled, a lot. Before we were able to push our bleeding fingers together to symbolize our forever friendship, Bella passed out.

I wrapped her finger in the bottom of my tee shirt and held her in my arms until she came to. As her eyes blinked and she was able to take me into focus, she smiled and it was the most beautiful smile she had ever given me until that point. The ruined shirt didn't matter, as long as she never lost that smile.

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Drop a review... give me your thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

I can ensure you all - I'm not in legal trouble and I am a upstanding person, just not everyone else is.

Enjoy...

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We spent our time as best friends until junior high. Then she met Jessica, Lauren and James. They were the 'cool' kids and they wanted her. My shy, beautiful Bella. My best friend.

I watched from the sidelines as she traded her glasses in for contacts. I watched as she traded her faded, torn jeans for short skirts and high heels. I watched as she kissed her second first kiss.

I stood alone on the other side of the gym that night, as she danced with James. He placed his hands on her ass and I wanted to kick him in his for treating her like that. He then placed his lips to hers and kissed her. He kissed her like I had always dreamed of kissing her. When he finally pulled back, her face was flushed and she smiled.

That was the first time I turned my back on Bella and ran away. I didn't care that she was happy, I didn't care that she was still smiling, because I no longer was.

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Drop a review and yell away...


	4. Chapter 4

Ah...you all hate James... It's cool, they don't last...

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James broke my Bella's heart. In the middle of the summer between eighth and ninth grade, he went on vacation and met another girl.

At least he had the decency to break up with her, unfortunately not before breaking her heart.

For the first time since the start of seventh grade, Bella came back to me. She was broken, she was sad; she wasn't the girl that I fell in love with at the age of eight any more.

"I've missed you, Edward," she said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. They were again behind glasses.

"I missed you too. No matter what happens, you will always still be my best friend."

I kissed her forehead, trying not to recall any memory of the last person I saw kiss her.

I held my best friend in my arms as she cried, wishing I could find a way to get a smile back on her face.

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til tomorrow...or later today, it is a weekend after all


	5. Chapter 5

We spent our summer together. Bella pushed away Lauren and Jessica, just as she had James.

It was back to being me and her and I couldn't have been happier.

She still cried once in a while. I don't think it was so much about missing James, as it was her first love and her first broken heart.

I comforted her the entire time, because I knew what it was like to lose a love. I had lost her, but thankfully, she came back to me. I would never, and could never, close the door to my heart on her.

I would always be there for her – to make sure she kept smiling.

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See you all later...probably today...


	6. Chapter 6

I shall say - things are not black and white or transparent when you are young...and they are both young...

Remember - this does have a HEA...

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Freshman year. High School - a whole new life. By the time the summer was over, Bella was able to put the past that was Junior High behind her.

Bella still in her glasses, and me now in braces, were ready to take on the world.

We walked each other to class, and we spent all of our time together. Everyone thought we were an item, but Bella quickly announced that wasn't correct. I always took my time denying our relationship. I wanted nothing more than for her to me mine, and for me to be hers.

I asked her to Homecoming, but she declined. She already had a date – with Royce King. He was popular and a Junior. She told me, with a smile, that she was still my best friend and loved me like a brother, but was so excited to have a date with him and wanted me to share in that excitement.

She told me to go stag, or ask Alice, a girl we had met in English class. I told her no, that was okay, but I was happy for her. I was only happy for her because she was smiling. Truth was, on the inside, I felt like I was being stabbed with a sharp knife.

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Yeah... ouch.

Girls suck...


	7. Chapter 7

You all hate Bella...that's cool, I wouldn't expect less...

I realized I've yet to say thank you to everyone that reads, reviews, alerts, faves and lurks.

Enjoy...

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As quick as Royce picked her up, he dropped her, only a week after Homecoming.

I heard the rumors.

He took her virginity in the back of his dad's van. He thought he was hot shit; 'fuck 'em and leave 'em' was his motto.

My anger boiled over. Bella hadn't talked to me since the day before Homecoming. Was this why? Was she embarrassed?

I wanted to confront her. How could she, my best friend, be so stupid!

Instead of confronting her, I ignored her.

I ignored the phone calls that started a week after I heard she lost her virginity to Royce. I quickly skipped out of my classes before the bell after noticing her waiting for me one day.

I had even taken a new spot in English in hopes to not have to talk to her.

I hated that she wasn't smiling, but neither was I.

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Gotta LOVE High School...


	8. Chapter 8

I'm loving the reviews... all of your thoughts on this story is very appreciated. I agree with you all that these two are not the brightest - but think back to high school... none of us were that smart...

Let's keep at it...

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After a month of not talking to Bella, she showed up at my house, unannounced.

"You hate me, don't you?" she asked, with tears in her eyes.

I rolled my eyes at her and crossed my arms in front of my chest. I didn't care if I was being mean, she wasn't _my_ Bella anymore.

"That's a yes. I know that look." She swiped her fingers under her glasses, brushing away the tears.

"How, how," I paused and looked to make sure my mom wasn't listening, "how could you _fuck_ him?" I swore. I never swore, but it made me feel cool. If Bella thought 'fucking' was cool, then I could swear to be cool.

"I what? I didn't!" she yelled.

"If you didn't why haven't you talk to me? And why did he say that you did?"

"I don't know why he said that! I thought you were my best friend, you should trust me! Know me better than that, yet you believe I would do that! What a best friend you are!"

She turned on her heels and stomped down the sidewalk, down the driveway and into the dark of the night.

I called after her, but the only response I got was the sound of her sobbing as she ran down the street.

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PS - if you all didn't notice I'm a fan of reality in my fics... I like to make them believable...so as painful as it may be to see these two suffer - it is believable and not fic real life is perfect and shit... Hope that is cool with you all, because they will have one nice rollercoaster ride...


	9. Chapter 9

Here ya go...

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A month passed since Bella was on my doorstep. She avoided me at all cost. I don't even think I could classify her as a friend any more. It was safe to assume she didn't classify me as hers.

I started hanging out with a new crowd; they were the kids that were friends with anyone and everyone. They made sure to make everyone feel welcome.

I think that's why they took me in. Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie; they were my new best friends. They had my back.

Bella faded into the background. I stopped seeing her, except in the one class we shared. And in class, she didn't look at me at all, so I stopped looking at her.

I missed her, but if she didn't want me, I didn't want her.

At night I thought about her and her smile, and the fact was, that deep down, I still loved her. But we were not the same anymore. She wasn't mine. She wasn't even my friend.

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*sigh*


	10. Chapter 10

This update is again brought to you as I sit in court... gotta love the justice system... no really - you do... they are so detail oriented!

Enjoy!

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Turnabout – girls' choice dance. Emmett went with Rose. Alice asked Jasper. I feared for a minute that Bella would start coming around since she now hung with Alice, but thankfully, she still stayed away.

I don't know why that made me happy. I missed her, but I was a guy, I didn't want to fess up to those feelings.

At night I would look at pictures of us from the years before, but that was a fact I was unwilling to share with anyone. I would look and see how happy we were. Some nights I would fall asleep to dream about the two of us together, like when we were kids, before things got 'high school complicated.'

No, I was a guy; I didn't need anyone to know that, especially Bella.

I ended up not going to the dance. I stayed home alone, until there was a knock at my bedroom window.

The face that looked back at me was one with a sad smile.

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Til later... or tomorrow...


	11. Chapter 11

So I heard FFn was fixed... but the my update wouldn't load, so I pulled it...Let's try this again now, shall we? Third time the charm?

Now, let's see who's at the window...

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"Why are you here?" I asked, with as much annoyance as I could throw into my voice, but in truth, I was ecstatic on the inside.

"I came to see my best friend," she whispered. "Can I come in?"

"If you must." I looked around my room, grateful that there was no trace of the pictures I looked at nightly, laying around for Bella to see.

We sat side by side on my bed in silence. After ten minutes, she looked to me. I looked at her when I heard her move.

"I missed you, Edward."

"Yeah."

"Didn't you miss me?"

More than you could ever imagine. I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, I guess I did. Why are you here?"

"I heard you didn't have a date to the dance, so I thought I would drop by."

"So is this visit out of pity, before you meet up with your date?" Annoyance laced my voice. She ran away from me, why should I be nice?

"No, I don't have a date. I'm done with dances."

"Yeah, would hate for you to go with someone else and, oh wait, you didn't do that," I huffed.

"Damn it, Edward! I didn't sleep with him. I didn't! I swear! Do you want to know what _did_ happen?" she asked, her voice just below yelling.

"If you must." I didn't care to know anymore. It didn't matter. Nothing was the same anymore.

"He tried to make me, and I refused. I didn't want to do that. I didn't know him that well and I sure didn't love him. Sex is what you do with someone you love." She placed her hand on my knee. "So, instead, I offered to give him head." She snorted as she said this. "But well, I didn't know what I was doing, since I hadn't done it before. I had heard about what you're supposed to do, so I thought I would try. I gagged and almost puked on him. He gave me a week to make it up to him and have sex with him, and I refused, so we broke up."

"So you didn't do _it_?"

"No Edward, I didn't."

I wrapped my arms around her and placed a tiny kiss at her hair line.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Relief washed over me to know she didn't do that, but I felt like a complete tool.

"It's okay, Edward." She pulled back from my hug and the smile on her face was the one I had dreamt of all these months. My girl was back.

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Guess Edward still wasn't believing it didn't happen...

Now that that's all cleared up... til later


	12. Chapter 12

This is the end of what I donated to Fandom fights Hurricane Sandy... the rest of the chapters are all me... and my errors and not pre-read by my awesome team.

It seems that you all either hate her, him or both of them... It happens... It's High School!

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After the night of Turnabout, where I ended up getting one dance that night in my bedroom, with Bella, we went back to being inseparable.

Well, almost inseparable, I took a small break from her one afternoon to kick Royce King's ass. He didn't understand why he deserved my first punch, but as I told him it was for the rumors he spread about Bella, he laughed at me. That was before he connected his fist with my jaw.

Needless to say, that wasn't a fight I won, but I still felt victorious for clearing Bella's name.

Bella told me he wasn't worth it as she held the ice pack to my face, but she was worth it, at least to me.

She deserved the sun, and moon and my blood.

As the bleeding to my jaw stopped and the pain killers kicked in, Bella placed a light, tender kiss to my jaw.

As she pulled back, I winced and she smiled her beautiful smile.

Maybe, just maybe, she would be my girl after all.

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Til later...


	13. Chapter 13

Here ya go...

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The rest of our freshman year Bella and I hung with Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice. The other four were exclusive, but Bella still wasn't mine.

I flirted with her. I pulled her chair out at lunch and always carried her books, but I was worried to go further. I was worried to lose her again. I was worried I would push her away because I was doing something she didn't want.

Bella occasionally commented on a 'good looking' guy she would see, but vowed she was done with dating. I prayed that meant she was done with leaving me as well. I knew she wasn't 'mine,' but I hated that at any moment I could lose her forever.

If she found the right guy, she was bound to leave me for him and never come back.

Relationships are hard.

I felt like an asshole as I thought that maybe I should move on and leave her behind, but I knew if I did, she wouldn't smile.

And I couldn't take that away from her.

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Remember... it's high school... they will have a huge wake up call soon... Maybe it will be the push they need...


	14. Chapter 14

Sorry for the mid day delay... I was having fun with the best fake grandma my kids can have!

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"What are you doing?" I asked Bella, who was now sitting on the tree limb outside of my window.

"I needed to get out of my house. Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure." I wiped the sleep from my eyes. I looked at the clock it was three in the morning.

Bella climbed in. Her hair was a mess. In fact, all of her was a mess. She was dressed in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. It was the middle of summer, and even though it was Forks, it was still too warm for those clothes.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

Her head was downcast and I was unable to see her face.

She shook her head in response.

I gently placed my hand on her cheek. It was damp. She was crying.

"Look at me?"

She shook her head again. Her body started to shake.

I lifted her chin with my hand, bringing her face up so I could see it.

I had never seen her so sad or in such pain.

"Sweet pea, what's wrong?" I used the pad of my thumb and wiped her tears away.

"Can you just hold me?" she asked as her body fell against mine.

I knew something was horribly wrong and I didn't know what. All I did know was Bella looked like she would never smile again.


	15. Chapter 15

... Another delay... I slept the day away with my little man... have to enjoy the few days we have left before I go back to work.

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I pulled Bella's back to my front and wrapped my arms around her.

She had pulled her hood over her head before we got into bed.

I tried to get her to talk; to tell me what was bothering her, but she refused. Instead, I got more tears and her near broken body collapsing on my floor.

I placed kisses to her head, through the hood. I ran my fingers up and down her arms. I wanted to comfort her. I had to comfort her.

Once her sobs started to cease, I rolled her to her back. I pulled her hood back and looked at her red, puffy face. I placed my lips to her cheek.

I wish I knew what was hurting my girl. Whatever it was had tore her apart.

As I looked at her broken, sleeping form, she rolled to face me. She curled into my side and wrapped her arms around me.

"You make me safe, Edward," she mumbled in her sleep. A small smile played on her lips and I knew there would eventually be hope to fix whatever was wrong.

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Next update we will find out what's wrong... any guesses?


	16. Chapter 16

I think only two of you guessed what happened...

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When I woke the following morning, Bella was sound asleep. I made my way to the kitchen. I planned to get her some breakfast and see if I could find out what happened last night to my girl.

Instead, my mom caught me in the kitchen and asked if I had heard from Bella. Little did she know a dream I've had since childhood had come true – I spent the night with her in my arms.

"Why?" I asked her.

"Edward, I hate to tell you this. I know how close you and her are, but, well, her father died last night and Bella ran out of the hospital when they were given the news. No one has seen her since."

I was a man, and men don't cry, but I started to cry. I cried for my Bella, for her pain.

"Edward, I'm sure Bella is fine." My mom placed her hand on my arm to comfort me.

"I know Bella is fine," I sniffled. "I just, I hurt because she hurts, Ma. Bella is here. She's sleeping in my room."

My mom's expression changed from anger to annoyance to acceptance quickly.

It was a rule in Esme and Carlisle Cullen's house – no sleepovers with the opposite sex. Ever.

"I'm going to call Renee and let her know. She was frantic when we spoke this morning. You go upstairs and wake her up. I know she must be hurting so badly."

Hurting didn't begin to describe how Bella was feeling. She was completely broken and now I knew why.


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks to all of you for the lovely reads, reviews and comments on facebook.

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Charlie responded to a domestic violence call. As he approached the door, a shot was fired in the house. The bullet went out the window and right into the left side of Charlie's chest.

Bella and Renee got to the hospital just as Charlie was pronounced dead. They never got to say goodbye to him.

…

Even though my parents didn't completely approve, Bella had been staying with me, in my room since Charlie died.

All day long I would try and distract her from what happened and then at night, I would hold her as she fell apart. She would cry and scream, and I would wrap her in my arms and hold her tight and try and take her pain away. We hardly slept. As soon as she would let sleep overtake her, she would awake shortly after. I wished I could give her comfort, but it was useless; nothing was going to help my girl.

The rain fell around us and I couldn't be bothered with the umbrella anymore. My arms and hands had better places to be. I wrapped my arms around Bella's body. She was weak. She had hardly eaten since Charlie died.

That was four days ago.

I knew if I didn't support her more, she would collapse onto the cold, wet ground.

Tears rolled down Bella's cheeks, blending with the rain. As soon as Charlie was lowered into the grave, Bella turned herself in my arms, buried her face in my chest and gave in to all of her pain.

Once her body finally stopped shaking, we were both completely soaked.

She pulled her self back and looked up at me. Her eyes were puffy and red. She reached her hand up and placed it on my wet cheek.

"You, Edward, you have always been there for me. Please, don't ever leave me. I know I'm not perfect, but I couldn't survive if I lost you too."

"I'll never leave you, Bella. I want to make sure some day you smile again."


	18. Chapter 18

Tomorrow I go back to work... Six weeks goes by fast! These will hopefully still keep coming daily...

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"I hope someday I will smile again," she sniffled and lowered her face back to my chest, wiping her face on me. Her tears mixed with the rain. "I just can't imagine not having my dad, Edward. How do I go home and act like it's okay that he's never coming home."

I placed my hand on her chin and lifted her face so she was back looking at me. "You don't have to act like it is okay. It's not okay that this happened, but you will make through it. I will help you get through it. You are my best friend. I will always help to hold you up."

"You are amazing to me, Edward. You, you are such a great friend. I love you, Edward." She looked up at me and I was sure I looked completely shocked. My heart was racing and I wanted to tell her I had waited forever to hear those words. Before I could proclaim my love, she cut me off, "You know, love like a friend." She gave me a forced smile and reached up on her tip toes and kissed my cheek.

My heart died a little bit that day and very well may have been buried with her dad. Bella would never love me like I loved her and until she did unless she did; I wouldn't tell her how much I loved her.


	19. Chapter 19

Today I painfully leave my little man with a wonderful RL and fandom friend to go back to work. I know he is in wonderful hands, but it doesn't make leaving any easier.

Be nice to my emo heart today...

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Bella stayed with me for two weeks. At that point, my parents said she needed to go home. They were past their limit of accepting our nightly sleepovers. Renee also missed her and needed comfort just as much as Bella did. Together they comforted one another during the days.

Most nights Bella would stay at her house, but on occasion she would still climb her way to my window.

I always let her in. I never would stop.

It was the week before school was to start up again. Sophomore year.

There was a gentle knock on my bedroom window.

I knew it was Bella. I opened the window and turned around to climb back into bed before she made it all the way in.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey."

The routine was the same. She would climb in my arms and I would hold her until she fell asleep. Some nights she would still cry, others she would fall right to sleep, but as of recent, as soon as she fell asleep, I would leave her alone in my bed.

After the night a month ago where I woke up almost humping her with a raging hard on, I knew if I slept that close to her anymore, I would have to explain myself to her.

As much as I wanted her that way, I knew she didn't want me that way; and I wouldn't risk never seeing her or her smile again if I did something she didn't want.

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Yeah... I jumped ahead... it happens... And after the whole summer they are still not together...


	20. Chapter 20

For those that asked... work sucks without my boy around. I miss him like crazy!

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So here we go...

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"Will you go to homecoming with me?" I swallowed the massive lump in my throat. I know it is stupid to even entertain the idea of asking Bella, but I want to. I want to be with her. I want her to get to enjoy all that she can. I want to bring her back to life. She hasn't been the same at all since her dad died. I miss the old Bella.

"Of course I will," Emmett replied back in is best girlie voice.

I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks dude, but I don't think it's going to be that easy."

"You never know. She has to feel something for you. You've known her for what? Your whole damn life. She will say yes."

I slumped back on to my bed. "Who knows."

"Buck up, Edward. The girl climbs into your bedroom at least once a week to sleep with you." Emmett winks at me and nods his head, as if there is a hidden meaning to that.

"You're a dick. You know we don't do anything but sleep."

"No, but I bet if you would man up and tell the girl you love her that would change."

"Who said I love her? I didn't ever say that."

"It's written all over your face. You live to see that girl happy. It's like she smiles and your whole world is right. Trust me, she will say yes."


	21. Chapter 21

So returning to work has proved to be far harder than anticipated. I'm up 3 plus hours before I have to be to work... then by the time I get home I feel like I'm dead on my feet. So finding time to write is limited... Bare with me - I will try and catch up on chapters this weekend and get a bunch pre-written again so I can keep updating.

* * *

"No."

"What? Really?" My heart broke a bit more with her rejection. I told Emmett it wouldn't be that easy.

"Really, Edward. It's not that I don't want to be by you, because if I didn't want to be by you, I wouldn't be laying here with you right now. It's just I can't find it in me to go do something happy when all I want to do is be sad." Bella frowned and started to tear up.

"I get that it's hard for you, I do." I sighed and let my face fall to show my true feelings. I was hurt and it hurt more than normal. I really was starting to believe that she would say yes. "Just, if you change your mind, know the offer will still stand, because I would love to hold you and dance with you all night long."

"Thanks, Edward." Bella's eyes were sunken in and the dark bags around her eyes seemed to stand out more than normal. I knew the nights she wasn't with me she hardly slept. I knew it was hard for her to function half of the time. I knew that she really was physically and emotionally wore out, so her rejection wasn't meant to be personal, but I had a hard time not taking it that way.

She nuzzled her face into my chest. Her hair fanned out and lightly tickled my face.

I closed my eyes and imagined that she was in my bed and my arms not because she was depressed, but because she loved me.

I lay awake thinking of ways to show her I love her; to hopefully win her as more than a friend. She started to breathe deeply, and I knew she was asleep.

She fisted my shirt and I knew her dreams would start. I placed my lips to the top of her head and kissed her.

"I love you, Bella. I just wish I could tell you," I whispered.

As the words left my mouth, her body relaxed and she slept peacefully the whole night.


	22. Chapter 22

God... I'm so thankful I'm no longer in High School...

PS - I love each and every review I get... They make my morning, noon and night - when ever it is that I get it to read!

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"Hey, Edward."

"Hi, Tanya. What's up?"

"Did you understand the chapter we did today in Mr. Banner's class?"

"Kind of. It's just numbers; it can't be that hard." I shrugged my shoulders. Truth be told, I didn't pay attention to anything the teacher said. My mind was stuck on Bella and the fact that she told me no last night.

When we woke up, Bella quickly slid her way out my bedroom window without a word. She didn't seem to want anything to do with me.

On the inside I was beating myself up for asking her to the dance. I should have known better.

"Earth to Edward," Tanya said, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Huh? Sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if you were able to help me out with the math work. Two minds are better than one, right?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess. Why not? Come over after school tonight. We can start on it."

Tanya's face broke out in a smile. "Sounds good."

I walked out of school with Bella at the end of the day.

"I have to go home, so I can't come over," she whispered.

"Oh, well Tanya is coming over anyways. Will you come over later?"

"Why is Tanya coming over?" Bella's tone suddenly changed. She was not happy with me at all, and I didn't understand why.

"Math homework. Why?" I was on the defense, and I didn't know why.

"It's just I didn't think you liked her."

"I don't have to like her, to be able to help her with some school work." My reply was a little rude as I threw my hands up and made air quotes when I said like her.

"I didn't mean it like that…" Bella lowered her head and you could see her tiny frame shake a little as a small bit of moisture fell from her face.

"Sweet pea, what is it?" Suddenly my anger didn't matter. I knew what if felt like to lose Bella over something stupid and I didn't want to risk that again.

"Nothing. It's nothing." She took a deep breath and blew it out, causing her whole body to shake. "I've got to go."

Before I could react, Bella took off through the parking lot of the school and headed home without me.


	23. Chapter 23

**And... it's Saturday and i slept half the day away... YAY!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"She said no."

"Dude, you are such a chick." Emmett shook my shoulder in an attempt to make me smile.

Emmett walked home with me from school. I told him Tanya was coming over and he asked if another girl would be staying in my bed over night.

I swear all Emmett ever thought of was sex. I get we are both men and all that, but I don't only think of sex. Granted, he has Rose, and I have no one.

The doorbell rang and Emmett jumped up from the kitchen table and headed for the door. "I will leave you two to get at it," he said with a smile and a wink.

"Shove it, dick."

I pulled the door open to let Tanya in.

"Hi," I mumbled.

"Like I said, I will leave you to it," Emmett laughed. "Hey Tanya. Have fun," he said as he made his way out the door.

"Can I come in?" Tanya asked quietly. I was still standing directly in the door way. I was thinking of everything Emmett just said. I really wasn't skilled when it came to females. That alone was why I probably held out for Bella.

"Uh, yeah, sure, sorry." I moved out of her way to let her in the house.

After two hours of studying in close quarters with Tanya, I realized her personality was amazing. Her laughter and happiness, even when it came to stupid math, was beautiful.

I almost wanted to smack myself for thinking about her like that. I had never thought about anyone other than Bella like that before.

As the sun was going down, I led Tanya to the door so she could go home.

As she was half way out the door, she stopped and turned to look at me. I for the first time took her in. She had on a baggy tee-shirt and a pair of jeans. There were a few rips in her jeans and they didn't look new. Possibly hand me downs. Her hair was pulled into a messy pony tail. In her own way, she was beautiful. I don't know how I never noticed that before.

"Edward, I was thinking," she paused and looked down at her hands. She was playing with the skin around her nails. "So I was thinking, would you be interested in going to homecoming? With me?"


	24. Chapter 24

You all took that far better than expected... On with it...

* * *

"Uh, um…"

"Crap, I knew this was stupid. It's just asked around and I heard you're not dating Bella; that you're just friends and well, I've had a crush on you since eighth grade when I moved here."

She looked up at me and then quickly dropped her eyes back to her hands.

"I'm so stupid. Why did I just tell you all of that?" She put her hand up, creating a barrier between me and her. "Just can we forget all of his? I shouldn't have asked you."

"Yes."

"Thanks. Maybe I won't feel like such a fool tomorrow if we never speak of this again."

"No, I mean yes I will go with you. Why not?"

"Really?" Her eyes widened and she looked unbelievably surprised.

I laughed. "Yeah. It could be fun."

"Okay, cool. I'll see you tomorrow? We can talk more then?"

"Yeah, sure."

I watched her walk down the driveway as she headed home. She turned back and waved when she hit the side walk. I waved back before I closed the door.

As I realized I had agreed to go out with Tanya, I would now have to tell Bella no if she changed her mind.

That was sure to not make her smile.


	25. Chapter 25

**Okay... so some of you are unhappy with me and this story...I will say - THIS WILL HAVE AN HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Have faith and stick with me even when they don't stick together as a 'couple'.**

**If you can't stick around for the ups and down, I won't be offended if you click the 'x'.**

**For the rest - please enjoy where this goes...**

* * *

In the two weeks remaining until Homecoming, things went on pretty normal with Bella. She didn't mention the prior invite I had given her, and I didn't mention the fact I was going with Tanya.

In fact, Tanya came and hung out with our group every once in a while and she never made mention of it either. But, she seemed genuinely interested in me and my friends.

Bella was a bit cold to her, but I think the fact I no longer gave her one hundred percent of my free time at school was more of the problem than the person Tanya was.

The night before Homecoming, Bella knocked on my window. She had only been at my window twice since I asked her out and she declined.

I held her in my arms. I kept her close to me all night. The physical reaction I had been having to her all summer seemed to have faded. The fact that I realized she would never see me as more than a friend, or as a brother, seemed to help my desire to do more than sleep with her.

I woke with Bella curled against my chest. Her breathing was even, but it was obvious she was awake.

I ran my fingers through her hair. Before I could tell her good morning, she spoke, "So, guess I can't spend tonight with you, huh?"

My heart started to race. "You, you know?"

"Yeah I know, but what I don't know is why you didn't tell me."

She rolled off my chest and looked at me. Her eyes were red and swollen.

The fact she wasn't smiling broke my heart. I thought to myself, that's why I didn't tell you.

* * *

**Til tomorrow...**


	26. Chapter 26

**Won't waste my time typing out something that no one will care about anyways... You all that hate... will keep on hating...**

* * *

"You're upset. That's why I didn't tell you."

A tear slid down her cheek. "It's, it's not like you _have_ to tell me, or ask my permission, but we're friends, why didn't you tell me? Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because, I don't know. I'm sorry."

She forced a smile before climbing out of bed.

She pulled her jeans over her pajama shorts. She opened the window and was half way out before she turned and looked at me.

Her expression was pained. She was hurt, but she shot me down, so why was she hurt? I was confused. I didn't know what to do anymore with her.

"Guess this means I probably shouldn't stay the night anymore either, huh?"

Before I could answer, she was climbing down the tree and on her way back to her house.

I dropped myself back against the bed and shook my head.

I give up.


	27. Chapter 27

**Same as before...**

* * *

Alice told me she was sorry for telling Bella about the dance. She assumed she knew, but as soon as she saw the expression on Bella's face change, she knew that Bella had not been wise to my date.

I couldn't blame Alice. Truth is, I should have told Bella myself.

Part of me knew I wasn't telling her because I was still hoping she would change her mind, and the other part of me wasn't telling her because I didn't want to admit to myself that I was moving on; even if only for one night.

The six of us met at Emmett's house.

As I walked in, I caught sight of Tanya. She was in a deep green sun dress. Her hair was pulled up into a pony tail and it was obvious she got herself ready and didn't let Alice or Rose help. Both of them looked like they had just left a salon and a high end boutique to find their dresses.

I liked the simplicity of Tanya. It was beautiful.

I brought her a wrist corsage made with white roses.

"I, I didn't get you anything," she said, looking down; her eyes stuck on the flowers I had just placed on her wrist.

"No worries, okay?" I took her hand and I placed a kiss to the top.

A small smile played on her lips. At least I could still make someone smile.

* * *

**Ah... fuck.**


	28. Chapter 28

**And... why I did what I did...**

* * *

The night was wonderful. Tanya and I danced and talked and just hung out.

All in all she was a sweet girl. By the end of the night she knew more about me than I did about her. She had a way of getting me to talk that only one other person had before.

It was the last dance of the night and we were dancing slowly. Her cheek was against my shoulder. My arms were wrapped around her; my hands on her sides.

"You really care about her, don't you?"

I pulled back so I could look Tanya in the face.

"Bella? You care a lot about her, right?" Tanya inquired.

"Yeah. She's a great friend."

"Edward, as lovely tonight has been, and as lovely as you are, you both are kidding yourselves if you think you're just friends. It pains me to say that, since I've had such a crush on you and you proved you are worth it."

"Tanya, let's just not talk about that tonight, okay?" My voice just about caught in my throat. I didn't want to think about that right now.

She nodded her head before resting her head back on my chest.

"Just know, Edward," she mumbled, "I wish I could ignore it and date you, but your heart is already taken. It would be wrong to try and steal what you've given her. As amazing as you are, I know if I ignore it, I'll be the one who ends up broken hearted."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"So you and her will stop being stupid and stop denying your feelings. I want to see my friend happy, and you, Edward, are my friend. And without her, you are not happy."

* * *

**...And Tanya was hated why exactly?**


	29. Chapter 29

**Okay, you didn't all hate on her, but some did. And I will have to agree with one of the readers, shaz308 - Tanya is is always turned into being a villain ad it's kind of sad.  
**

**Happy you all stuck with me... **

* * *

The music stopped and Tanya fell out of my arms.

Emmett and Rose left not long after the dance started. I was sure they were going to go hide away in a dark parking lot. Jasper and Alice walked home about an hour earlier.

The lights came on in the school gym and Tanya started to walk toward the exit.

"She turned me down," I said, breaking the silence as we walked the short distance to her house.

"Who? Bella?"

"Yeah. I asked her to the dance before you asked me. She told me no."

Tanya stopped walking and grabbed my arm, pulling me to her.

The dim street light shone down on us. "Did you ever think she told you no because she really wanted to tell you yes?"

"What? That makes entirely no sense." I had to hold back rolling my eyes.

"Edward, girls make no sense. Just, don't give up on her. When she says no, sometimes she may mean no, but other times I think she is afraid of her feelings. I don't know her all that well, but I know how it is. Don't give up on her. Eventually it will work out."

* * *

Happy Friday all! Tomorrow is a busy day in the world of me(and I top it off I get to 'spend time' with my mother in law...did someone say shotgun?)... I will update when I can.


	30. Chapter 30

**Better late than never... Happy to share I did not land myself in jail, but I did get a bunch of stuff for free for putting up with the mother in law.**

* * *

Tanya tugged my arm to get me to start walking again. She led the rest of the way to her house in silence. My mind was far too lost in everything Tanya just told me.

Was it possible that Bella felt more for me than she let on?

Was it possible that I had a chance with the first girl that won my heart?

We stepped up onto the porch in front of Tanya's house.

"I want to thank you for a wonderful evening."

"Such a gentleman, and you are welcome. It was my pleasure."

She gave me a sweet smile that brought one to my face as well.

"Thank you for asking me. You've been wonderful company."

"I do my best."

I took a small step toward her and placed a kiss on her cheek, right at the corner of her lips.

Her face turned a bright shade of red. "Oh, oh my. You sure know how to make a girl swoon with just a kiss. I don't know why Bella can't see it."

"Maybe she doesn't want to? Isn't it possible she just isn't interested?"

"Naw, not possible. Now go, get your girl."

Tanya started to shoo me away with her right hand, as her left hand lightly touched her cheek where I kissed her.

* * *

Tomorrow is Easter pictures for my kids... So much for a relaxing weekend... again - will update when I can.


	31. Chapter 31

**So, my photographer had to cancel because she doesn't feel well. I would rather her cancel than rub her sickness off on my kids LOL**

**But, for that cancel... I've been able to update!**

* * *

After giving Tanya a hug and another kiss to her cheek, I started the walk back home.

I let my mind wander around the possibilities that Bella really did want me and was scared, or worried or maybe just confused of the feelings.

I would say I could understand her feelings, but in reality I couldn't. I have always loved her. My love for her never changed, even when she went and dated someone else.

But for her, she always viewed me as a friend. Maybe she didn't understand the feelings that expanded past the friendship. Was that possible?

I walked by Bella's house and stopped.

Her bedroom light was on. I walked into the grass and took a closer look into her room.

She was sitting at her desk, head in her hand, writing something. She moved her hand every once in a while and wiped her eyes.

She was crying and it broke my heart.

I looked at my watch; it was eleven at night, so I couldn't knock on the front door. I wished there was a tree so I could climb into her window, but there wasn't, so I remained, feet planted on the ground, and watched her.

My heart broke with ever tear that fell and I wondered if she was crying because of my date.

Maybe she really did love me like Tanya said.


	32. Chapter 32

**Because this one is short... I thought I would give this one tonight... and then another tomorrow...**

* * *

I watched Bella until she turned her light off. It was nearly one a.m. by that time.

I stayed outside her house for a bit longer, just in case she decided to leave her house and come to mine.

But she didn't. Around two-thirty, I climbed into my own bed, cold and alone.

I stared at the ceiling. The moon casted shadows in my room. As much as I wanted to sleep, my mind couldn't stop thinking about Bella and if she really could love me like I love her.

Sometime as the sun was coming over the horizon, I drifted to sleep.

I was awoken to a knock at my window. I looked at the clock. It was just after ten in the morning.

I jumped up, expecting to see Bella at my window, but instead there was an enveloped taped right where I expected her to be.


	33. Chapter 33

These next few chapters made me cry writing...That is your warning...

* * *

I slowly climbed out of bed, terrified of what I was about to read. Why would she leave me a note?

I slid the window open and reached out, pulling the envelope from the glass.

I closed my eyes as I ripped open the paper.

In Bella's beautiful script I started to read.

_Dear Edward –_

_I prayed that I wouldn't have to tell you this. I prayed that things were going to be different, but I found out while you were with Tanya that it wouldn't be. If I had found out sooner, I would have told you. I would have cherished every moment with you a little more._

_I came to the dance. I watched you from afar with her. You looked happy. You looked like it was right where you want to be. Now I know how you must have felt when I was with other people. When I denied you and went to a dance with another. _

_I should have told you yes. All of those times, I should have told you yes. I realized last night I've monopolized all of your time and at the same time, I've realized that I've been beyond selfish. _

_You deserve better than me. You deserve a girl like Tanya that cares for you like I always should have._

_You have been my everything for so long, Edward, and now, as much as it pains me, I have to give that up. I have no choice but to give you up._

As the paper got damp, I realized I was crying. My eyes were pooled with tears and my heart hurt. I was going to be too late to get my girl.

I threw the paper down, unable to read the rest of the letter. I pulled myself into a ball and wept like a baby.

She was the only girl I ever loved, and I lost her.


	34. Chapter 34

**Tissues are recommended if the last chapter made you cry...**

* * *

I cried myself to sleep. I woke and it was after noon. My body was stiff and my face was crusty feeling from the tears that had fallen from my eyes.

I picked up Bella's letter and found where I left off.

_…and now I have to give that up. I have no choice but to give you up._

_You deserve a better friend. You deserve someone that didn't give you crap for going out with another girl. Especially since I turned your offer down first. _

_I don't deserve you and I don't deserve your friendship._

_It hurts me so much to say this, but there isn't much else to say. _

_I came to the dance. I came to tell you it's too late for us. I came to tell you I love you just so you would know, so you could know a part of me would always love you. I wanted to kiss you and be in your arms one last time, but when I saw you with her, I knew that nothing I had to say would have mattered._

_I knew that for me to ask for you to wait for me wouldn't have been fair after I saw you with her. _

_Know I will always view you as my best friend and the keeper of my heart._

_Bella_

* * *

**til... tomorrow**

**... for those reading my other stories - Life Support was completed last night.**


	35. Chapter 35

**Tissues needed again... but first, our fandom lost a wonderful person the other day. All the love and a moment of silence for the lovely Katalina. She was a wonderful person and touched the heart of everyone she met.  
**

* * *

I threw on jeans and a tee shirt and ran over to Bella's house.

As I ran, I thought of all the things I would tell her. I would tell her I loved her too. I would tell her that it wasn't too late. I would tell her everything I had been holding in all of these years, but when I arrived, I realized she wasn't kidding when she said it was too late.

There was a moving truck in the drive way and there were men all over. It was like an assembly line from inside the house all the way to the truck.

"Hey! Hey!" I yelled as I ran up to the door of the truck. "Where are the people that live here?"

The guy who had a box in his hand, set it in the truck and looked me over. He raised his eyebrows at me and then sighed.

"You Edward?"

"Yeah, how did you know my name? Where are the people who live here?"

"Look, all I know was we were hired to come and pack up the house. I don't know where the truck is heading once it's loaded, but where ever it's going is where the people who _lived_ here now live."

"What?" Shock I was sure covered my face and I could feel the prick of tears about to fall out of my eyes. I ran my hands through my hair, yanking at the ends.

"She moved, dude, but she said if you showed to give you this."

He handed me another envelope with my name on it.

I thanked the guy and walked back home, head down, with tears streaming down my face.


	36. Chapter 36

Keep the tissues close just in case...

* * *

By the time I got home, my face was covered in a combination of snot and tears.

I laid Bella's letter on my desk and stared at it.

I took two deep breaths before I slowly ripped the envelope open.

The paper was crinkled and damp. You could see where the ink had gotten wet. My Bella cried as she wrote this to me…

_This morning I watched you as you slept through the window._

_I imagined I was there in your arms, curled up and safe. _

_You have always been the safest place for me. You protected me and cared for me even when I didn't deserve it._

_I hate that I couldn't tell you good bye. I hate that I didn't try harder. I hate that I'm going to have to be without you._

_Who even knows if you will ever read this. I'm leaving it with one of the movers. I pray you will come looking for me and be able to read this. I can't even concentrate to put all of this into words._

_God, Edward, I'm going to miss you so much._

_My mom told me last night that her job offered her a promotion, but she, well we have to move immediately. _

_We are heading to Chicago. I don't want to go. I wish I didn't have to go. I wish I could stay here with you._

_As stupid as it is, but seeing you with someone else made me realize how badly I want you. _

_This sucks!_

_I'll write you when we get to where ever we are going. _

_Love-_

_B_

I screamed and crinkled the letter into a ball, before throwing it across the room.


	37. Chapter 37

**Keep the tissues close just in case...**

* * *

_Isabella –_

_I hate that you left and I didn't get to say bye. _

_Chicago is far. I wish there was a way to get you back. I wish there was a way to hold you one last time. _

_I wish there was a way that I could have told you that _I love you_ before you left. _

_You are all I think about when times get rough. You are all I think about when I walk by the playground where we played together as kids. You are all I think about all the time._

_You are my best friend and my first love. _

_I hate being without you._

I added the letter to the stack on my desk. Bella had been gone for three months and I had still not heard from her. No letters, no phone calls. Nothing.

I tried to email her, but it always was returned undeliverable. I wasn't sure if I was messing up the email address, or if she changed it. We never really emailed when she lived her as it was. I tried to Google her and Renee in an attempt to find an address, but nothing other than the address here in Forks ever came up.

It was as if she disappeared and took my heart with her.

* * *

**Any ideas on Bella... other than she's a selfish bitch...**


	38. Chapter 38

Some of my near and dear friends who are reading this story are having crappy days... SO, this is an extra update to maybe make a smile...or make it all worse...

* * *

"Edward, you need to move on."

I glared up at Tanya.

Move on! I couldn't. It wasn't an option. I would wait until summer and beg for a trip to Chicago and find her.

"Tanya, as much as you mean to me, shut up. I can't, no I won't move on. She loves me. She said it herself. If I move on and she comes back..." My words trailed off.

"Edward, it's been six months with no contact. I don't think she's coming back."

"Don't say that! Don't! Maybe she lost my address or something."

"You lived down the block from her for most of your life; I doubt it."

Tanya, always the voice of reason.

"I just can't give up."


	39. Chapter 39

In case you didn't catch it, there was a second update yesterday... so read that before you read this if you didn't already...

* * *

"Mom, I have a question to ask you." I gave my mom my best 'I deserve this face.'

"What is it, Edward?"

"Can I maybe take a trip after school lets out to go see Grandma Cullen?"

"Edward, that's really far away and I won't be able to take off work to fly with you."

"I'm almost sixteen, I can fly alone."

"Edward, I don't know and Grandma Cullen is getting old. I don't know if she will want to care for you for a week or two."

"That's the thing, Mom, she is getting old. I should get to spend time with her before it's, you know, too late. Why don't you think about it?"

She nodded at me and I walked away, hopeful that this would work.

Grandma Cullen lived in a suburb of Chicago. I had faith if I could get there, I could get to Bella.

* * *

So Edward has a plan...


	40. Chapter 40

Happy Sunday... and I hope everyone that was supposed to set their clocks forward an hour... and if you are like me, you slept the day away because of it!

* * *

Unfortunately for me, Grandma Cullen didn't make it until summer for a lengthy visit.

Her body was shipped back to Washington for the funeral. I never got to go to Chicago.

As I wept the loss of my grandmother and consequently the loss of Bella, I didn't know how I would make it.

Tanya, who had quickly become my new best friend, held my hand and let me look like an absolute pussy as I cried.

Dearest Bella,

I've wrote you over one hundred letters and they all sit here, waiting for you.

I wish I could find a way to get to you. To find you. To tell you all of the things I've written to you.

I miss you so much. My bed isn't as warm as it used to be. I don't want to sleep in it anymore because I know I will always sleep in it alone.

I wish there was a way to bring you back home.

Edward

* * *

Maybe he needs a new plan...


	41. Chapter 41

**I swear, Tanya is just a friend, and will remain that way always in Edward's eyes always.**

* * *

August.

I don't want to say I got over Bella being gone, but I tried not to let it rule my life and bring me down as much.

I had been in a pretty constant state of depression ever since she left and I didn't know how to bring myself out of it.

Thankfully, my friends did.

It was a rare sunny day in Forks, and Tanya came to drag me to the beach. Emmett, Jasper and their respective ladies were going to meet us at the beach.

I was in a pair of board shorts and a white tee shirt. I felt uncomfortable and I wasn't sure why. Tanya was in a bikini, and if we hadn't agreed to just remain friends, I could have found her mildly attractive.

"Tanya, the last time I was at the beach Bella was with me. I don't know if I want to go and replace that memory."

"Edward, you are my friend and I love you, but did you just hear yourself? You sound like a chick. Going places you went to with Bella won't make you replace the memory or her or the time you spent with her. Now, stop being such a bitch and let's go play in the sand."

I laughed, like really laughed. I hadn't laughed like that since before Bella left. I had forgotten how good it felt to be happy.

Still laughing, I pulled the door open, grabbing Tanya by the hand to pull her out the door with me.

My eyes were focused on Tanya behind me, and if it wasn't for her facial expression and the gasp I heard just on the other side of the entrance, I never would have known Bella was back.

* * *

Ohhh now what?

Thoughts?


	42. Chapter 42

**Please read: My personal life is about to explode! In a week we are closing on a house and we will be moving... and well, I'm not packed! With two kids, one only 2 months old, I appoligize ahead if I can't keep up with daily updates. I'm already four chapters ahead, so hopefully I can keep ahead and all of this will be for nothing and there will be no delay in posting...**

And... on with the important stuff...

* * *

"Bella, wha-what are you doing here?" I dropped Tanya's hand like it was burning mine. In all honesty it was, because Bella kept looking at where we were joined and it seemed like her body was in pain.

"I came back and I wanted to, to see you."

"Come in." I felt stupid giving her permission to enter, but at that moment, she didn't seem to want to come in my house. "Tanya, I think I will be taking a rain check on the beach."

"Call me later?" she asked. Her eyes cast over to Bella then back to me. She looked worried.

'I'll be okay,' I mouthed to her.

She nodded before taking off out the front door.

To say I was in shock was an understatement.

"You look happy," she whispered. It was evident that she was hurting. She was standing, hands in her pockets across the foyer from me.

"Far happier now that you are here. What happened to you?"

I took a step toward her, but she took one back and held her hands up.

"Don't, just don't. Until you tell me why I never heard from you, don't come one more step closer."

* * *

Oh, wait... but wasn't Bella the one...


	43. Chapter 43

**I spend last night cleaning, packing and singing to a little boy who doesn't seem to want a part in this moving process. I say this because from here on out, any and all errors are due to lack of sleep and pure stupidity!**

* * *

"What do you mean? I never knew where you were. I've written you almost daily since you left." I paused and swallowed the lump in my throat. "I've missed you so much."

"Guess not enough though, huh? I profess my love before being shipped away from you and I come back to find you with someone else. I guess I shouldn't have expected less."

"Wait? What?"

"I wrote you, I called you, left messages; I never heard back. I eventually gave up. I guess now it can be explained as to why."

"You called? When? And you wrote? I never got a letter, I swear."

"Yeah, I did all of those things, but it doesn't matter anymore."

"Why doesn't it matter?"

"Because you are with Tanya! After I bore my heart and soul to you, you went and got with her."

"Bella," I paused for only a second to take three big steps toward her. As bad as it sounded, by walking toward her, I pushed her into the wall. She was backed into a corner and it would work. "Bella, I'm not with her. Not at all."

"You're not?"

"Not at all."

I placed my hand on her chin, and pulled her face up so her eyes were locked on mine.

The smallest smile was on her face. I brushed the back on my hand against her cheek.

I said, "I knew you would come back," as I placed a light kiss to her forehead.


	44. Chapter 44

**Many of you mentioned 'The Notebook' in your reviews... that was so not what I was going for. HAHA - what ever happens. **

**Enjoy this...**

* * *

"I haven't been able to sleep good in months," she whispered into my ear, as she curled her body against mine.

"Then stay, stay with me tonight. I can still be all the things I used to be if you want me to be."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I can't. I would if I could, but I can't. In fact, I better go."

Bella rolled away and my body went cold from the loss of hers against mine.

"You don't have to leave…" I was practically begging. It was pathetic. I'm such a chick like Tanya said.

"Yeah, I do." As if she hadn't been here in almost a year, Bella swung her leg over the window sill and climbed out of my bedroom window.

Bella had been back two weeks, but she wasn't staying. It broke my heart, but she couldn't. Her and her mom only came back to finalize things with the house she still owned down the street. Renee was giving it over to a realtor to monitor and rent.

Bella had yet to spend the night with me. She would stay all day and sometimes even fall asleep in my arms, but when night came, she always left. Things were not like they used to be. Not at all. I had yet to have the balls to tell her I was madly in love with her and she had yet to mention if she still was madly in love with me. Other than the day she arrived when she made mention to the letter she left me, she never brought up her past or potential current feelings again.

I spent so much time thinking about how I would tell her and how I should have told her, yet now that I can tell her, I don't know how to. I know she will go back to Chicago in a few days, and even if I told her now, it wouldn't change the fact that we can't be together. Long distance at sixteen would be frowned upon by our parents, I was sure.

School started back up in another week and I wondered if there was a way to keep her here. Even if I knew it wasn't possible, I still wished it was. If there was a way to get her to stay, I then would have no problem professing my unwavering love for her.

I lay in my bed the night before she left and I thought about giving her the letters I wrote over the last eleven months. She would then know that I loved her as much as she loved me and that if she had never left then we would have been together. But as I thought about that, I worried that she would feel guilty in leaving, and that was something she was unable to control. I didn't want her to feel bad for something she had no say in.

In the early morning hours of the day Bella was to leave, I found myself in front of my dad's shredder in his office, making all of my professions of love disappear.

* * *

**It makes me want to cry just a bit for Edward. I swear, I don't hate men and I'm not torturing him for nothing.**


	45. Chapter 45

**Some of you are very angry with Edward... I will say, this story will get 'worse' in the relationship aspect, before it gets better. I do have 'slow burn' on the summary, so if it wasn't slow and painful, it wouldn't be what I want...**

**Also, I'm running out of pre-written chapters and I have to spend this weekend packing and cleaning, so I may have to skip a day of updating. I am begging for forgiveness in advance. **

* * *

"This is my address and my number, make sure to write me and call me."

"Will do." I wrapped my arms around Bella and tried my best to etch the way it felt into my mind forever.

We never found out what happened to the letter Bella sent me or to the missing phone messages. I asked my mom about it, knowing if my parents had gotten a message, they would have told me.

My mom said that it could have been left when we were changing phone companies and the messages got lost.

Either way, it hurt to know that Bella had called and then thought that I didn't want to talk to her.

"Come back sometime, okay?"

"I'll try." I held Bella as tight as I possibly could.

There was a knock at the door. Renee stepped in the partially open front door.

"Our car is here, we have to go." She looked almost sad and apologetic saying those words. I wondered how bad off Bella really was in Chicago. Bella told me she was 'okay, but couldn't sleep well,' yet the look on Renee's face, as Bella hugged me tighter, said she was far from okay.

Bella released me after a few minutes, and when she did, there were tears in her eyes. I wiped her eyes with the pads of my thumbs, before pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear that had fallen into her face.

"Smile, sweetheart, we will write and email and talk this time. This isn't goodbye for us."

She gave me a light lipped smile, before walking out the door with Renee.

I looked down at her address and phone and smiled. Now I knew how to find her.


	46. Chapter 46

**I shall miss the ones that are waiting until the end to come back and join us. I do understand that them having to suffer and sacrifice to get the desired result is hard for some people. I had a few people say they have no idea how this will be an HEA - have faith. **

**For those who want to know about the home front... I've managed to probably write more today then I did pack and clean... Good thing we are only moving 2 or so miles away...**

* * *

_Bella-_

_You just left, but I'm already missing you like crazy._

_There were so many unspoken words between us. I don't know why, but maybe with the distance…we will be able to share them._

_Just know I'm sorry you had to leave. I wish there was a way for you to move back. Things could be different then._

_Edward_

I debated telling her I loved her as I read over my short little letter, but in the end I decided against it. Her knowing that wouldn't bring her back. All it would do would upset her to know I shared her love, but we couldn't be together.

I knew my love for her would never waver and if the time was right, I would gladly tell her.

* * *

**Next up... tomorrow... or maybe later tonight... all depends on how much more writing I do...**


	47. Chapter 47

**Sorry for not putting this up last night, but well, I got too busy to push the update button...  
**

* * *

"Why aren't you going to homecoming?" Bella asked me. We were on the phone and I was sure I looked like a complete idiot. I was lying back on my bed, looking at a picture of her while we talked.

"Didn't want to. I think I'm done with dances." In all honestly, there was no one I wanted to go with. I debated asking Tanya again, but she ended up going with some guy from another school.

I was officially the seventh wheel in my group.

"What about you, are you going to homecoming?"

There was a long pause on the line,

"Bella, you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"So, what about homecoming? Are you going?"

After another long pause, Bella finally spoke. "Yeah, I'm going, with my boyfriend."

* * *

Bring on the Bella hate... but remember, they are kids, and most kids don't meet there future mate as a child...


	48. Chapter 48

**I remind you all that they are still young, yet when I do, I get shit on that that isn't an excuse and when I don't say that I'm expected to have written them in some adult relationship with all of these thoughts that they should know how their lives will pan out in ten years from now. I try my best not to bitch in my author notes, but really people, If you hate the story I'm writing so much, why are you reading it? No one has a gun to your head saying read the shit this bitch writes! So if you don't like it, I'm cool with that. This isn't for everyone. **

**And as many of my reviewers pointed out, you can meet your soul mate young - I get that; I know you can. I never said you couldn't. But I also never said that life just falls into place. If I wrote this story where they met and fell in love and never had a problem; never had to work to get back to the one the truly loved, would you want to read it? Probably not. You would say - this shit sucks. It's too sappy or boring or whatever. **

**So read and enjoy the painful angst and slow burn as I write it, or click the x and come back in a while once it's complete or click the x and never come back. I'm cool with all three options, but being told that I don't have a chance and making this the HEA I promised (which I've written out the unhappily ever after on my FB page for those that want to end their misery of my story with no one happy), or given shit for how I'm choosing to write my own story. **

***deep sigh***

**I think this will be my last update for a day or five. I'm well ahead so no matter what anyone says of me or my story, it will play out as I have it planned. I just can't take the hate I'm getting spewed at me as I'm trying to deal with my RL.**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

Boyfriend? Did she really say boyfriend?

"You have a boyfriend?"

"Uh, yeah?"

Her response sounded like more of a question than a statement.

"So, uh, who is he?" My voice cracked as I asked the question I really didn't want the answer to.

"His name is Mike. We met not long after I moved here."

"And, and when did you start dating him?" I closed my eyes and clenched my fist tight that wasn't holding the phone.

"Um, I don't know? Middle of last school year."

So it's serious…They've been together a while.

I started to let myself get lost in the fact that she was in a serious relationship when it hit me, and I lost it.

"You, you had a boyfriend," I spit out, "and you had the nerve to get mad at me for holding Tanya's hand! You have no room to talk!" I was yelling so loud my voice vibrated in my room. "You are such a hypocrite."

"Edward-"

"No, don't. I have to go." I hung the phone up before she could answer.

I took a deep breath, then another. How could she? I thought she loved me. She said it; that she loved me and yet she's with someone else. If I had told her before she moved, maybe things would be different but she didn't give me the chance to and having had told her when she was in town wouldn't have mattered. I couldn't imagine dating another like that, not with how much she means to me. Yet, I mean nothing to her. She said she what she did and then forgot about me.

I was out of sight and out of mind.

Who knew if she really did write or call; who even cared anymore.


	49. Chapter 49

**For those that care...xoxo**

* * *

I ignored her calls.

In fact, I had ignored two hundred and thirty-two phone calls and had a stack of unopened letters on my desk from her.

It had been six weeks since I hung up on her. Since she told me she had a boyfriend. Since she told me she had a boyfriend for a while. Someone she was serious with.

My birthday came and past. She sent me a gift. It sat unopened next to the letters.

I didn't care what she wanted to get me. What she wanted to say. I just didn't care anymore.

I lost myself in my school work and I worked my ass off with a plan to graduate high school early and get out of Forks sooner than later. I entered into a late entry night class.

I needed to get away from the reminders of her.

I needed to move on and if I was stuck here, there was no was no way to move on.

I sat in my night class, zoned out, staring at the wall. My mind, as always, drifted to her. Even though three months had passed, I could still remember the way her body fit against mine as we lay together in my bed.

But then I would remember all the while she was lying with me, she really had a boyfriend at home. As soon as that thought hit, I wanted to hit something or someone.

The sound of metal against linoleum pulled me from my day dream. Class was over. I quickly started to gather up my books, but the sound of my name stopped me.

"Edward, you doing okay?" a girl in my class asked. I was trying to pull her name from my mind. As horrible as it sounded, I tried not to socialize with anyone in my class. I just wanted to get it over and done with.

"Yeah, thanks, I'm fine. It's Lucy, right?"

"Yeah." She smiled at me before lowering her head and blushing.

Her blonde hair fell around her face.

"Just have a lot on my mind," I added.

"You always seem to have a lot on your mind. I've watched you since class started and you always seem to zone out mid class, but today, today you looked angry."

I shrugged my shoulders. There wasn't much to say to that. It was the truth.

We stood there in a weird, awkward silence before Lucy turned around to leave.

She was half way out the door when I snapped back to reality.

"Hey, Lucy, want to go get a coffee with me?"

* * *

**Hate all you want -I'm past the point of caring. **

**And for those that want to 'fuck me,' I will have to politely decline.**


	50. Chapter 50

**Let's all cross our fingers that I get to close on my house tomorrow(cuz it's not looking good in my corner)... I've recently discovered that I can handle the shitty reviews more than I can my lender and all of their bullshit(this does not open up to assulting me verbally because I said I can handle the hate more than a lady hanging my family's future over my head)... and if you see crazed woman attacks her lender post home closing - that would be me...cutting a bitch.**

**But anyway, enjoy...**

* * *

Lucy was a great girl. She was no Bella, but she was a nice distraction.

We would study together and go out after class and get coffee almost every night we were in class.

She turned into a great friend that was outside of the whole Bella thing and it was nice. She didn't know about her. She didn't feel sympathy for me because of her. She was my friend and nice to me simply because she liked me.

Over the last few weeks, as I grew closer to Lucy, I was dodging fewer calls from Bella. Instead of calling multiple times a day, Bella now only called once every few days. After my mom told her I was out with Lucy one evening, Bella didn't call again for a few days.

Part of me was mad that my mom told her that, but the other part of me wanted Bella to know I could move on, too.

But was I really moving on? Until I knew that Bella could never be mine without a shadow of a doubt, I never really could completely move on.

She would always be in the back of my mind, with me waiting for my turn.

Whoever I ended up with then would be my second choice.


	51. Chapter 51

**And... I'm not a homeowner. Maybe Monday... wonder if my lender is one of my mean, anon reviewers. Time to wallow in a bowl of ice cream.**

* * *

"Hello?" I was out of breath. I had just run inside and heard the phone ringing. I was expecting a call from Lucy, so I figured it was her.

"Edward." It was _not_ Lucy. "Don't hang up. Please, talk to me."

"What could you possibly want?"

"I want my friend. I miss you."

I ran my free hand through my hair. "Bella, I don't know. I just don't know. You lied to me."

"I didn't exactly lie…"

"No, you withheld the truth and you were hypocritical. You gave me crap and fought with me over Tanya, yet you were already dating someone else. You got mad because you didn't hear from me after professing your love to me. If you really loved me you wouldn't have been so fast to move on. I don't even know if I can trust you ever again."

"Edward-"

"No, that's it. If you loved me like you said you did, you never would have moved on. At least not that fast. If you wouldn't have given up. You would have called more, written more. You wouldn't have given up after two phone calls and one letter of no response. You wouldn't have. You wouldn't have tried your hardest to get in contact with me then like you have been now." My tone was loud, but I wasn't angry, I was hurt. So very hurt still.

"How do you know what I did? Who's to say it was one letter and one call? And anyway, how do you what I should have done? What I should have done?"

"Because it's what I would have done if I had been the one that moved."


	52. Chapter 52

**Sorry for the late night update...I fell asleep with my little guy. All the stress has taken a toll on me and I'm getting sick.**

* * *

There was silence on the line until the sound of another call come through alerted me. I don't know if my words shocked Bella or what.

"Look, Bella, I have to go.**" **The other line beeped again. Before she could answer, I disconnected the call.

"Hello?" The pain was raw in my voice.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Lucy was concerned. She was the type of girl I should pine after, not Bella.

"It's just," I paused. Did I really want to tell her? "You know what, it's nothing. I'm fine. Are we still on for dinner? My parents are dying to meet you."

"Yeah, we're still on. Are you going to come pick me up?"

"Of course. I need to shower, but I will be over in about an hour, okay?"

"Sounds good."

I hung up with Lucy with a smile on my face. She was someone I could see myself loving, that was if I had to force myself into it. She was naturally pretty, yet she didn't know it. We were still only friends, but I knew if I asked her, she would willing be my girlfriend. She would give me all of those things I want. She would easily fall into love with me. But could I give in and learn to love her?

* * *

**I know you all wanted them to talk more, and trust me, they will.**


	53. Chapter 53

**For all of those that had asked about how I'm feeling - a tad better in the cold section - a little worse with all the rest. Only have to make it nine more months I can jump back on my meds.  
**

**Those on FB know what's coming... the rest... be surprised!**

* * *

My parents loved Lucy.

When I got back home after dropping her off, my dad asked for a word.

"Son, she sure seems like a good girl. I'm happy to see you moving on."

"Yeah, moving on."

"Just don't get too attached, okay? You are going to be leaving for college soon. You don't need to have a girl back home while you are out in Maryland, got me?"

"We don't even know if I got in yet. I may end up staying here."

"You are my son, you will get in." My dad, as a Johns Hopkins alum, was confident that I would be joining him as an alumni in four or less years.

"Yeah, yeah." I turned to leave the room, but something my dad said struck me. "Hey, dad, what did you mean by not getting attached to Lucy? What's wrong with a long distance relationship if you care about one another?"

"Son, it's a bad idea. She will end up missing you one night and then next thing you know she's sleeping with some other guy. That's why I had to stop that crap with Bella."

"What crap?"

"That girl, she was in love with you, son. She wrote you so many letters and called so many times I had to get rid of our answering machine for a while. I couldn't let you and her start something."

"What!" I yelled.

"Trust me, son, you will thank me later." My dad took the final swig of his beer and excused himself to get another.

I followed after him, I screamed, I yelled. I was pissed! How could he do that!

By the end of me yelling, he agreed to give me the letters she had written.


	54. Chapter 54

**Many of you are angry with Edward's dad... in his defense he thought he had his son's best interest at heart - but he really fucked up!**

**In other news...Hopefully today I close on my house... YAY!  
**

**Hope you all have a happy Monday!**

* * *

_Dear Edward,_

_I've only been away from you for a few hours, but I feel as if it has been weeks. I hate that I don't know when I will be able to see you again. _

_Missing you already._

_Bella_

_Edward, _

_We got to Chicago and my address is on the envelope. Please, write me or call. I will give you our new number as soon as my mom gets it hooked up. Or I will just call. Yeah, I will probably call because I miss your voice so much. _

_I hate that I had to leave you. _

_Know I was serious when I said I love you in my letter. I just wish I had told you sooner._

_Bella_

_Edward,_

_It's been months and I have yet to hear from you._

_I don't know if I scared you off or what. I've called; written tons of letters and still nothing. _

_How did this happen?_

_I really thought you would be receptive to me telling you I love you._

_I guess I read all of the signs from your wrong._

_We can still be friends. Forget I told you I love you if it will bring us back together._

_Bella_

_Edward,_

_I don't want to say I've moved on, but I met someone. He's sweet and caring and he fills a small part of the gap that's missing._

_No one will ever fill the hole I have without you._

_Yours forever,_

_Bella_

There were so many letters from her. My bed was covered in them as I read each and every one; from the ones my dad hid to the ones I had been holding on my desk. She got me a doctor bag with 'EC' inscribed in it for my birthday. Even though I wasn't responding to her, she was keeping tabs on me.

After reading all the letters, I knew then, I was the one that messed up, not her.


	55. Chapter 55

**Muy importanto - PLEASE READ! (I so think that is very important in Spanish - but seeing as my Spanish is limited - I could be VERY wrong!)**

**So, we finally closed on our house! Thank you GOD! Okay, so with that, I will be spending this WHOLE week moving and finishing packing, because I won't like; all those times I SAID I was going to pack, I didn't. So, my house I live in now looks like no one is moving, and I have to be out by Sunday. With that I shall say, I may have to limit updates just this week because I am running low on what I've written and I don't want to rush to throw something together just to give you all an update. That wouldn't be fair to any of us. **

**I debated holding this one, but I didn't want to without some sort of reasoning why before hand. **

**I will do my best to write in the mornings and then after the hubs and baby boy go to bed, but seeing as I just spend my night steam cleaning carpets and will spend this week cleaning and unpacking and packing and cleaning, I can't promise I will be awake enough in the evenings for much. **

**And now that my A/N is longer than my chapter... I shall shut up.**

* * *

I didn't hear from Bella again. I tried to call, write; anything I could to get in contact, but she never responded. I worried I had lost my chance.

Lucy remained a friend and helped me start planning how to make up everything to Bella. There had to be a way. After everything with my dad and the letters, I needed someone to talk to, and she was my only choice. Lucy understood and eventually told me if she was into guys I would have made a great catch. I guess it was a good thing I never tried to make a move on her. Since she hadn't come out yet, it may have been very awkward.

I continued busting ass in school and was in fact accepted into Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, as well as a few others for a summer start.

I was going to be a doctor and not because my dad was, but because I wanted to help people.

The June of my junior year, I was ready to graduate. I managed to finish high school in three years by taking night classes and summer school.

I knew she wouldn't come, but I sent Bella an invitation to my graduation.

As I walked across the stage at the small ceremony, I could have sworn I saw her. I swore Bella was in the crowd, but when I finally got out to the audience, she was nowhere to be found.

But that was okay, because I would see her soon enough. The following morning I would be on a flight to Chicago.

* * *

**Oh, Edward...**


	56. Chapter 56

**I'm so very sorry for the few day delay, but truth be honest, I've hardly sat down in days at my computer if it didn't involve change of address!**

**Thankfully for all, I will be moving tomorrow, and after the weekend we have to have all of our stuff out of the old one and into the new, I can't wait to be done with this so I can get back to writing! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

There was a party. A huge ass party. All of Forks was in attendance. Well, all but one.

My father opted not to show. It was his way is showing he was disappointed in my choices.

I declined the offer to Johns Hopkins and instead took a spot at University of Chicago. They also had a top medical school and this way I could be near Bella for more than a quick trip.

Tanya, Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Alice all showed up. With me diving head first in my studies, I hadn't seen much of them.

"I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow," Tanya whispered. Her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck.

"It's for the best."

She pulled back from the hug to look me in the eyes. "Well, when you get your girl, make sure to let us all know."

"If I do, I will."

I was being modest. I had every intention of going to Chicago, finding Bella, and stealing her away from anyone that got in the way.


	57. Chapter 57

**Better WAY late than never. We are moved, but not unpacked. Most of my time has gon as e to unpacking and trying to make sense of the messy packing job I did. Guess that's what happens when you spend all your time writing instead of packing. We ended up packing as we loaded the truck. A complete MESS! **

**I thank you all for your patience here, and I will still have some delays in updating, but I plan to get back to daily updates over the next week or so. **

**-repost to fix my mistake...-**

* * *

Everything I owned was being shipped to Chicago; my car included. It was only me, a small suit case and a carry-on that headed on to a plane in Seattle.

My mom was standing by me. Other than him yelling at me as I walked out of the door this morning, my father was not speaking to me or my mom.

But I didn't care. I didn't care if he disagreed because I knew where I belonged. It was with Bella.

I planned to go look for her as soon as I dropped my stuff off at my dorm. I had days to wait until my stuff would be in Chicago, but I had all ready studied the train lines, so I knew which ones I would have to take to get to Bella's.

It had been well over a year since I talked to Bella. Part of me worried she wouldn't care to see me, but I knew that wasn't possible. I knew would be would be able to talk it all out and get back to how things used to be.

I sat on the plane and pulled out the rubber banded group of letters I carried with me.

I spent the whole flight reading Bella's written words to me. By the time we landed I was even more confident in my plan of being able to win Bella back.

* * *

**Because I am amazed and humbled - I want to share that Life Support was nominated for top 10 fic completed in March of 2013. If you feel so inclined to vote for it - you can here... wp . me/p2d1oh-2kB just take out the spaces.**


	58. Chapter 58

**Okay, so I planned to have this to you like two days ago, but I have this health condition and it hit me hard about three days ago, and since that last update, I've been pretty much dead to the world. **

**Happy to report I'm doing much better now. **

**I managed to get back ahead as well and shaping up to end this baby. I'm still shooting for the HEA, so don't worry. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The bus dropped me off at the corner of Oak Park Avenue and Washington Boulevard in Oak Park; a suburb of Chicago.

The sight of a big city wasn't something I was used to.

The houses were neatly packed together. Homeless were on the street corners with signs. The more I looked around, the more I thought maybe it was a mistake to come here. I didn't belong here.

But then I remembered why I was here. Bella. I ignored the homeless begging me for money and started the walk to Bella's. In was a short walk east and an even shorter walk south and I was there.

I stood outside the door and stared at the small brick home. It was nothing like her house back in Forks.

I walked up the three stairs and knocked lightly on the door. There was shuffling inside the house. My heart raised in anticipation of seeing Bella.

The door flew open and a heavyset black woman looked back at me.

"Can I help you?" she asked with a very southern drawl.

"Uh, um I'm looking for Bella Swan, does she live here?"

"No, sure doesn't, darlin'. I bought this place about five months ago from a Swan though. I forget the first name, but I remember that last name. Like the bird."

* * *

Til next time.


	59. Chapter 59

**To those who felt the need to flounce... your loss - not mine. **

**These two have not talked in about two years... people move and things change. **

** So, I just couldn't put them right together. I have written where they are reunited. There is a reason to this madness. **

**For those still with me - enjoy. **

* * *

I slumped down on Victoria's stoop. That was the name of the southern black lady who bought Bella's house.

She was sweet to me as she listened to the story of Bella and me. She gave me a bottle of water and tissues as I broke down on her porch.

She told me she wished she had something to offer me; some way to help find her.

I felt stupid.

As I walked back to the bus stop, I kicked a small rock. It reminded me of a time Bella and I went and skipped rocks at the beach in La Push.

I got to the bus stop and waited, and waited, and waited. The busses stop running hours before. My plan continued to fail around me.

As I hailed a cab to drive me back to UIC, with the only cash I had on me, I realized that maybe my dad was right,

Chasing down Bella wasn't the right idea.

* * *

**Our boy is a little emo, huh?**


	60. Chapter 60

**So... I wrote that A/N on my lunch break since everyone had issues how she suddenly wasn't there. They have been apart the following (and I realized a mistake in a prior chap - so my bad)... Chap 48 was when Edward found out she was dating a guy - September of his Sophomore year. December'ish is when they talked again and Edward blew her off. Later that night found out the truth. Chapter 55 - Edward's junior and last year of HS - which would be about 18 months from the last time they talked. So he went to Chicago with no contact in 18 months or so. I over shot by 6 months when I was doing it on the fly... it happens.**

**And, the chapter...**

* * *

"Lucy, she's not here."

"What? Where is she?"

"I don't know. I went to the address that I had for her and she wasn't there. Someone bought the house from Renee a few months ago. She could be anywhere. Maybe not even in Chicago."

Lucy sighed. "I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe it just isn't meant to be."

I didn't respond, because I knew that Lucy could be right. As much as it hurt me to say that, I knew there was a chance I would never see Bella again.

* * *

**Yeah, it's short, but it's the third of the day... til later.**


	61. Chapter 61

**I shall repeat... I made a minor mistake... I have corrected it... it's life, we make mistakes and I have a very busy one at the moment... Oh well...**

**Also - someone finally mentioned - outside of my prereader - why doesn't he go on facebook and find her? My answer is this - in my fan fiction there is no such thing as social networking. Hope that clears that up. **

**Enjoy**

* * *

Missing Bella didn't make school any easier. I missed her like crazy, but I knew I had to continue busting my butt if I wanted to keep my grades up, but it was hard to do. I was on a scholarship at UIC that paid for about ninety percent of my tuition, and if I dropped below my four-point-oh GPA, they were liable to cut the funds.

My dad would love that. He would get far too much enjoyment from my failure.

I knew my mom told him Bella wasn't here, and that alone had caused him to try and get me to agree to head to Johns Hopkins.

I declined. I felt by staying in Chicago, I was closer to Bella. Even thought I had no idea where she was, I still felt close to her.

I would give up some studying time weekly to go over to Victoria's house. After all, she was the only person I knew in Chicago out of my classes. I would curl up on the day bed she had in the room that was once Bella's.

Maybe that was why I wanted to stay close. Just in case.


	62. Chapter 62

**Enjoy...**

* * *

"Edward, you were promising with your grades from high school, but here you are, half way through your freshman year, and you are suffering. What's going on?"

I was sitting in the dean's office and this was the last place I thought I would find myself. I managed okay through the summer semester, but then when the other students flooded in for the fall semester, I started to have troubles.

First off, I was young. Hardly seventeen and all of these kids were well older than me; even the freshman. Some made fun of me because I was so young; others wanted to get me to lighten up.

So, I picked the route to lighten up, which also stopped me from getting picked on. The only downside was I was now failing a class. I spent my weekends now drinking and at parties. I missed my family, my friends and most of all, my Bella.

"I'm sorry. I think I am just a little in over my head. Is there anything I can do to pull my grades back up?"

"We have a tutor program, but you would have to be dedicated, like you were before."

I agreed to the program. Three nights a week to get back ahead. Unfortunately, three nights a week I ended up doing anything but learning.

* * *

**Who thinks it's about time he finds Bella? Me too... very very soon...**


	63. Chapter 63

**I've had a bad day... so here is another update...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I ended up dating and falling head over heels for my tutor. Her name was Irina, and she was amazing. Smart, sexy and probably every man's dream. She tutored me three months, and in those three months, I continued to learn simply to keep getting rewarded by Irina. After every session, if I was able to ace the practice test, we would make out for hours.

After three months of always leaving her hot and bothered, she wanted to take it to the next step.

But I couldn't.

I'd close my eyes and I would see Bella; Bella without a smile. I couldn't give myself to another.

Irina broke up with me. For her it was purely physical. For me, I did care about her, even could say I loved her, but I didn't love her like I loved my Bella.

I decided then, I needed to start hunting again for Bella.

* * *

**Contemplating updating once more tonight... thoughts on that?**


	64. Chapter 64

**Jesus - what a long night after a crap day! I swear, nothing has gone right today! I shall go to bed and leave you with this... **

* * *

I was mid-way through my sophomore year of college. Bella would have been a quarter of a way through her freshman year, if she didn't do any accelerating like I did, when I found an address for her.

I met a guy whose mom worked at the DMV. He told her the story of my long lost love and la-de-da, I had an address in the far north suburbs for Bella.

The place wasn't too far from where my grandma used to live. I ditched class on Friday and I made the drive up to her house. I hoped she was still local and not away at college.

I pulled my car in front of the house; Charlie's old truck sat on the side of the house.

I knew this was the place. Even if Bella wasn't here, this was how I was sure to find her.

I took a few deep breaths and I made my way up the driveway.

I knocked once and hardly had to wait as the front door flew open.

"Bella," I said breathlessly. She was stunning. Not at all like I remembered her. She was even prettier than before. Growing up did her good.

"Edward, what are you doing here?"

She seemed shocked. She didn't seem happy.

I blinked my eyes and when I opened them, that was when I saw it; the sparkle of a diamond ring on her left hand, third finger.

I was too late.

* * *

**Bring on the hate...(don't worry... Bella can take it...)  
**


	65. Chapter 65

I shall say, I'm shocked. There was a lot of hate on Bella before when she was blind to his love. Guess you all got over that, huh?

Enjoy!

* * *

"I, uh, I go to school at UIC and uh, I hunted you down. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." I raked my hand through my hair. I felt like such a fool. I should have let the dream of her go after I didn't find her last summer.

I had been in Chicago over a year. The simple fact was, it wasn't meant to be. Not if she was getting married.

"No, don't be silly. I'm just shocked to see you. It's been years since we talked last. How have you been?"

"Uh, I'm okay I guess."

"Look, I'm so happy you're here. I was thinking of calling you. I have something huge to ask you."

I didn't respond. I was still locked on her ring, shining at me.

"Oh, how rude, how about you come in before I go asking favors of you."

Bella pulled me by the arm with her left hand, diamond still shining, and sat me down on the couch.

"Do you have some water? My throat's a little dry," I croaked out. I was so beside myself. I almost thought I was going to puke.

"Yeah, sure. We only have tap, is that okay?"

I snorted out a laugh. "Of course. Who do you think I am?"

"True." But she didn't sound convinced. She probably knew nothing about me anymore.

Bella left and quickly brought me back some water. She handed it over with her left hand, almost like she wanted me to comment on the ring, so I did.

"That new?" I asked, eyeing her hand.

"Yeah," she smiled. "My fiancé, Jake, gave me it just last week." She sounded excited, but not overly joyous, not like you would think you would if you were getting married. I didn't know if I should be happy about that or sad that Bella wasn't as happy as she should be.

The shooting pain in my chest that appeared as soon as I saw the ring intensified. Just last week. I was one week too late.

"Oh wow, so new, huh?"

"Yeah, well we've been together a little over two years, and he proposed a month ago, but he didn't have a ring to give me then. We met my junior year in high school and he believes in a lot of the same things as me and well, we just hit it off." She paused for a moment. "Aren't you going to say congratulations?"

"Oh yeah, sorry. Congrats, Bella. I'm happy for you as long as you're happy."

"Of course I am," she said with a small smile.

And there went the knife to my heart to finish me off.


	66. Chapter 66

**I had a hard time deciding if I would update again or wait a while. The harshness of these reviews have gone over the top! If you don't like the way I am writing MY story then please, click the x. I will not be offended. But the outright disrespect is a little extreme. **

**I write because I enjoy it. I read because I enjoy it. But if I find something to read that I don't enjoy - I stop. It's really not that hard to do. **

**Enjoy or click the . Just save your hate people. **

* * *

I felt awkward. I felt uncomfortable. I shouldn't be here. She is engaged. She is getting married. She obviously had no more room in her heart left for me.

I took a sip of the water she gave me, before I spoke again, "Well, I'm sure I'm interrupting. I should go."

I stood to leave. It was too hot in there. It was stuffy. I feared I would pass out.

"Edward, wait." She stood with me. We were chest to chest. We were too close. I took a step back and she took a half a step forward and grabbed my hands. "There was something I wanted to ask you, remember?"

"Oh, yeah."

"So, uh, well, when Jake and I were talking about our wedding, and all the planning," I couldn't help but groan, "we were talking about how my dad had died, and I'd have no one to walk me down the aisle, but then I thought of you, my lifelong childhood friend." She paused and ran her finger, one of them without a ring, down my cheek. Her touch melted me. "So what I'm trying to say is, will you walk me down the aisle and give me away?"

* * *

**A lot of you were right... guess I'm more predictable than I thought...**


	67. Chapter 67

So, I was going to wait to update again until I had written it all and then update back to back until it was all posted, but this weekend didn't spare much writing time for me, so I didn't want to leave you all high and dry, so here is a chap - another in the morning and possibly in the afternoon (of course on my time - it may be the middle of the night by the next time I update for some of you).

Enjoy!

* * *

Before I could grasp what I was saying, I agreed. I would do anything to make Bella happy; to make sure she smiled.

The wedding was only a month away. When I asked why the rush, I was met with no real answer other than they couldn't wait. I wondered if I hadn't shown up, would she really have called me to ask for me to give her away.

I headed back to school that night feeling lower than low. The only thing that kept my head up was knowing that Bella was happy.

When I got back to my dorm, I pulled out Bella's old letters. I knew there was something in there that would tell me there was potential hope to still win her back.

There had to still be hope for us.

After digging, I finally found it.

_Edward,_

_I don't want to say I've moved on, but I met someone. He's sweet and caring and he fills a small part of the gap that's missing._

_No one will ever fill the hole I have without you._

_Yours forever,_

_Bella_

I knew Jake wasn't the same guy she moved on with before, but he too would never fill that hole either.


	68. Chapter 68

**Hope you all enjoy...**

* * *

The next morning I woke to a phone call from Bella saying that since I was in town the wedding was being moved up.

I again questioned why the urgency, but I couldn't get an answer. I hated to ask her if she was pregnant, because, really, I didn't want to know.

I wanted to go up there right away, I wanted to tell her face to face she was rushing a major decision, but I had a class all day Saturday and I couldn't afford to miss any more classes. I was hardly pulling my grades back up even with the tutoring I had gotten.

On Sunday, I let Bella know I was on my way and I took the drive back north. We needed to talk. I folded her letter I read last night and put it in my pocket.

When I arrived the house was lifeless; it wasn't the same place I saw yesterday. It was almost dark and dreary looking. I wondered if Bella had left for some reason.

I raised my hand to knock, but the door slowly opened. Bella looked at me with red, swollen eyes. Her face was damp from crying.

"Bella, what's wrong, love?" I regretted the word as soon as it was out of my mouth. I knew I shouldn't have called her that, but I couldn't help myself.

She sniffled and took the few steps to me and wrapped her arms around me. "It's Jake. He's all upset and we had a fight. Sometimes he just…"

I tightened my arms around her as her words trailed off. "He's just what?" I asked. I hated seeing my Bella upset. As long as she was happy, as long as she was smiling, I was okay with letting her go, but now she's far from happy.

"Nothing. Never mind." She pulled back from my embrace and wiped her eyes. "My mom is here. She's been dying to see you since I told her you were back."

With the saddest face Bella has ever had, she led me to the kitchen where Renee was preparing lunch.

"Oh, my! You really are here." Renee wrapped her arms around me. "Edward Cullen, our savior," she whispered, so I don't think Bella could hear. "Boy, have you grown," she then said, her tone much louder.

"Yeah, Edward does look good all grown up, huh?" Bella stated.

And when I looked at her, my girl was smiling. I knew I would win her back.

* * *

**til later...**


	69. Chapter 69

**Yesterday was another sad day in this world. I know that tragedy strikes daily at some place, but in this moment, I would love for everyone to pause their lives and look to your children, spouse, parents or another loved one and give them an extra hug, or kiss or pat on the back. How ever you show love and affection, make sure you show it!**

**Love to all.**

* * *

I spent the day with Bella. We didn't talk about Jake and their relationship, because it seemed like every time he came into the conversation, her smile would fade.

So, instead of talking about love and relationships we talked about what we had done since the last time we saw one another.

I told her about fast tracking my way through school and that was really about it. I didn't want to tell her the reason I rushed was to find her, so instead I stuck with the half-truth of my falling out with my dad.

Bella told me about a trip she took to Europe for a student abroad program and about the family she stayed with there.

As she told me about that time in her life, she lit up. Her face was excited; it was like I could relive it all through her facial expressions. From listening to her excitement it was as if I had been there with her.

But then the conversation turned again, to when she got home from Europe and she was no longer happy.

Finally, after hours of dancing around the topic, I asked her the one burning question, "Bella are you really happy with him?"

* * *

**What do you all think Bella will say?**


	70. Chapter 70

**Let's see how happy Bella is...**

* * *

"Edward, he's my life. He's what I got. There is no changing that." I took her hand and looked her in the eyes. They looked worn out; far from the happy, carefree girl she was as a child.

"Bella, it sounds like you are settling for him, and I don't understand why you would do that. You could have anyone you want, why would you feel like this is it?"

"Because that's not true."

"Bella-" I was going to tell her that she could have _anyone_ she wanted, but I was cut off by a very large man walking into the room.

"What's going on here?" His eyes were on our joined hands.

"Nothing, Jake," Bella said quickly, a squeak to her voice. "Remember how I told you Edward was in town, well this is Edward. Edward, meet Jake."

"Hey, nice to meet ya," I said to him. He looked me up and down, seeming to be trying to size me up. He then turned to Bella, ignoring my attempt at being nice.

"Why is he here? I thought I told you if you wanted him in the wedding, fine, but that didn't mean he was supposed to be around all the time."

"Jake, he's my friend. My friend! He's been my friend for as long as I can remember," Bella sounded like she was about to start to cry again. It broke my heart.

"Dude, chill, we were just talking about our lives for the last few years, catching up and all," I couldn't help to butt in. I didn't want her sad.

"Just because Bella wants you around, doesn't mean I do. You can leave now, so I can talk to my fiancé alone."

"Bella?" I said as a question. I wouldn't leave if she didn't want me to.

Her eyes were even sadder than before. She looked like she had aged years in the last five minutes.

"You better go, Edward. I will call you later to give you all the information about the wedding."

"If you want." Ignoring Jake, I walked back over to Bella and I wrapped my arms around her. Her arms were stiff, but her body melted into me. She wanted the hug, but she didn't want Jake to know.

"Baby girl, I'm yours forever. I love you," I whispered into her ear before letting her go.

Jake glared at me as I walked away.

I knew I needed to tell her my love for her was more than as friends. I knew I needed to convince her that marrying him wasn't the best idea. I just needed a plan that would help Bella more than hurt her.

That guy was not good for my Bella.


	71. Chapter 71

**Note: Jake is NOT physically abusing Bella. I know a lot of people were worried, so I wanted to get that out there. **

* * *

"Edward! Wait!" I was half way down the driveway, back to my car, when Renee came running after me.

"You can't leave her with him. After all of this time I know she is just trying to be happy, but he won't make her happy. He doesn't make her happy. I tried to tell her it was a bad idea, I tried to tell her that there was someone better out there for her, but she doesn't care. She doesn't listen." Renee paused and looked me dead in the eye. "But, I know she will listen to you. Please, don't go back home. There's a mall not far from here. Go there and wait. Please. I will call you once he leaves. Will you please do this? I know you love her, Edward. Why else would you have come back after all this time?"

"I do love her, Renee, but I don't know if she wants me anymore."

"Have faith. She does want you. Why do you think Jake pushed the wedding up? Why do you think they fought this morning about you coming over today? He knows if you are around her, she will end up leaving him. He knows all about you. His sister, Leah, is a friend of Bella's. Leah has told Jake all about Bella's first love. Don't get me wrong, he is a good guy; just not good for her. Just come back, okay?"

I nodded my head. "Okay." There was no way I would turn this down.

I knew it was stupid, but as I walked around the mall, I couldn't help but find myself in a jewelry store.

Maybe when I went back to her house, I would go back with my own diamond in hand.

* * *

**Sounds like Edward has a plan...**


	72. Chapter 72

**Adding the chap and updating on my phone so I pray this doesn't get all jacked up. **

* * *

**I had seen Bella's ring from Jake. It wasn't my taste and personally, I didn't like it. It looked cheap, and not like something Bella would have liked. But I had no idea if Bella did like it. Maybe she picked it out, maybe she hated it, maybe she accepted it because she wanted to get married and have someone that loves her. **

**The ring I bought was burning a hole in my pocket. It wasn't an engagement ring, but as gay as it sounded, it was a promise ring. It was still a very nice ring. It was white gold with a diamond in the center, with smaller diamonds down the band. It was very much something the Bella I grew up with would love. **

**My promise to Bella would be simple; if you want to leave him and be with me, I promise to support you, love you, give you my all and my life forever. I will promise to be your man and your man alone. I will promise to hold you and never leave your side. I promise to kiss you when you are sad, and kiss you when you are happy. I promise to be your man, the right man for as long as you want to have me. And last, I will promise her that I will always make sure she smiles. As long as she smiles, I've done my job in life. **


	73. Chapter 73

My parents will be in town and my nephew's birthday is over the weekend, so I will be a tad sporadic... plus, I really want to finish this and do one day of mass updating. We shall see...

... Enjoy...

* * *

The mall closed an hour ago. I was sitting in my car, waiting for the call from Renee.

I wondered if I had given her the wrong number and repeatedly checked my phone to see if I had a missed call.

Finally, at a little after eleven, my phone rang.

"He just left. I'm sorry you had to wait so long," Renee said before I even said hello.

"It's okay. I would wait forever for her."

I drove back to Bella's and I sat in the driveway for a few minutes. I could see her silhouette behind the curtain in her bedroom.

She looked to be pacing back and forth.

I checked my pocket and the ring was right where I put it. I took a deep breath and walked to the house.

Renee told me she would leave the front door open. I let myself in and I took the stairs two at a time until I was to Bella's room.

I knocked on the door and waited.

"Come in, mom."

I slowly opened the door. I was in shock at the sight before me. Bella was in her wedding dress and she looked amazing from behind. The white dress clung to her in all the right places.

I hadn't spoken and she hadn't turned away from her reflection in the mirror.

"Do you think they can alter it again, Mom? I lost more weight and it's not as fitted as it should be."

"I don't think you will need it."

Bella jumped and turned around. "Edward, you scared me."

"Sorry." I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wasn't nervous at all to ask Bella to run away and leave Jake. I was taken back simply by her beauty. She looked amazing. Her hair was pulled up into a messy pony tail. Her dress accentuated her chest in just the right way. She looked perfect in her own way.

"I think you look amazing, Bella."

"Thanks. I would look better if the dress wasn't so loose. I keep losing weight."

"Meh, you can gain some and that will take care of it."

"Edward, the wedding is in less than a week. I can't gain that much weight."

"Bella, tell me the truth, are you happy with him?"

"Yeah, yeah I am." But her face dropped.

"Bella, I've known you forever, I don't believe you. Truth, I need the truth, are you happy?"


	74. Chapter 74

So the next few chaps were written, deleted, added to, deleted and changed a few times to get it just as I wanted. I hope you all enjoy!

* * *

"Yes, I'm happy. Jake and me, we are happy."

I took a step forward and brushed the hair from her face.

"You don't look happy."

Bella didn't say anything.

"Could you be happier? Say you are truthfully happy with him, and couldn't be happier than you are now. Does he make you unbelievably happy? If not, what would make you unbelievably happy in life? Because, Bella, that's what you need."

"Why are you asking me all of this? Why do you care?" She looked down at her dress, messing with an invisible blemish on the dress.

"Because I love you, Bella. I love you. I've always loved you. I always will love you. That is why I'm asking. That is why I care. I want you happy. I can make you happy." My voice was just above a whisper. I wished there was a way I could convey what I was feeling better than I was.

"Edward, I don-"

I didn't want to hear her rejection so I cut her off by cupping her cheek on my hand and I lightly placed my lips to hers.

It was a quick kiss, but it served effective in quieting her.

"Wh-what was that for?" Bella questioned, as she placed her fingertips to her lips.

"Don't marry him, Bella. Please, don't do this. It would be a huge mistake."


	75. Chapter 75

Last one of the night...lets make it a good one!

* * *

Bella looked at me with a completely blank stare.

Finally after what seemed like an hour of complete silence, she responded, "What do you mean, don't do this? Edward, I promised him I would. Our wedding is days away. I can't call it off. You shouldn't even be here." Bella's tone was very short .

"Bella, don't be stupid. Break the promise. He is no good for you. Haven't you heard anything I've said? I love you. I've always loved you. I always will love you."

"Edward, stop. He is good for me. We are happy. We are getting married. And I may not be as happy as you and everyone else thinks I should be, but I will be happy. I will be safe. Jake is safe."

"Bella, I know you are lying." My voice was starting to get louder. I was getting a little angry with her. "Bella, I've known you forever, and just because it has been a while since we last saw one another, I know you. Please, be honest. Are you happy?"

She took a deep breath and let out a sigh before slowly shaking her head no. A tiny tear fell from her eye as she finally confessed the truth.

"Oh, love, why did you ever agree to marry him?" I took her in my arms as she wiped her eyes on my shoulder.

"I don't know."

"Then don't. It's not too late to call this all off."

"Easy for you to say," she mumbled.

"Yeah it is easy for me to say." I pulled her back and looked her in her eyes. "I love you. Don't settle for him, please. I'm being serious."

Before she could wrap her heads around my words, I placed my hands on her face, and my lips to hers once again, but this time I wasn't backing down with my kiss.

I rubbed my thumbs on her cheeks as my lips molded to hers. She was still unsure, it was clear to tell, but as soon as she let go, her body melted into mine. Her tongue brushed against my lips, and I slowly opened my mouth to her. Our tongues explored each other's. Her hands came up and grabbed hold of my hair, pulling me closer.

I couldn't help myself as I pulled back and located her bed in the room. This was not how I planned this, but it was how it was happening. I lifted her up, not caring if I ruined her dress, and carried her to her bed. I laid her down and climbed up to get back to her lips.

I kissed, licked and sucked on every part of exposed skin I could come in contact with. I was like an alcoholic getting a drink after years of sobriety.

"I love you, Bella. Please, don't marry him." I asked when I had finally kissed every inch of her I could get at.


	76. Chapter 76

So, this is the only chap I have access to. The rest are on my flash drive on my other laptop where my parents are sleeping. I won't be able to get to it before work. I thought I had more chaps on this laptop, but I guess I forgot what happens when you post three times in one day.

I will try and hop down there tonight and post another one.

* * *

Bella's chest was rising and falling hard. Her face was flushed. Her chest red from my assault on her body.

"Wait, what did you say?" she panted.

I reached and took her hand. I pulled her to sitting as I stood up. She looked up at me, waiting for me to repeat what I just said.

"Don't marry him. I love you! I've always loved you. Since the first time I kissed you on the playground. I loved you then and I still love you now. I've been waiting a long time for this moment, Bella." I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring box before I dropped down to one knee. "This is not how I planned tonight. I planned to come in here and swoop you away like your knight in shining armor. I figured this would be the easiest fight of my life, because with you and me, we are meant to be. But you are so damn stubborn." I took a deep breath and opened the ring box, displaying it for Bella. "If you will leave him, if you will let yourself see that he isn't good for you, I will promise to give you my life. I promise to be the best man you could ever ask for. I promise that I will never bring a tear to your eye unless it is in happiness. I promise that I will give you my forever. I promise to always make you smile. Bella, please, promise me to be mine forever?"

I opened the ring box and shining back at her was the diamond I had for her. It wasn't over the top, but it was simply to show her the promise I was telling her was for real.

"Ed-Edward, I can't marry you."

"Bella, you once wrote in a letter that no one would ever fill the hole you have without me. Let me fill that hole again."

"You got my letters?" she asked shocked.

"Yeah, all of them. After the last time we talked they were finally given to me. I read them all, over and over again. And, Bella, this is for you as a promise." I held up the ring to her. "When and if you are ready to marry me and be mine forever, I will buy you something much nicer."

"Okay." She nodded and smiled and I would be lying if I didn't get a bit cocky. She always smiled for me.

"May I?" I asked, as I eyed the offensive ring from Jake that was still on her finger.

"You may. I've been waiting just as long as you have for this moment."

"And now it's here. This is forever, Bella."

I pulled off his ring and set it on the floor before placing my ring on her finger.

My Bella.


	77. Chapter 77

So, I'm off to a birthday party for a one year old... in a house full of cats... have I mentioned, hubs and me are both DEATHLY allergic to cats!? We have no idea how the baby will react, so it may be a short party for us.

Enjoy this while I am fighting back red eyes and the ability to breath.

* * *

"Wait, don't go in there. She could be trying on her dress."

"At seven in the morning? I doubt it."

I rubbed my eyes and looked around. I wasn't in my dorm room that was for sure. I was cuddled tightly around Bella.

"I want to surprise her. After all we are going to be married here in a few days. What will it hurt to see her before she is done up."

"Jake, don't."

Shit!

"Bella, Bella, wake up." I shook Bella and tried, hard, to wake her.

"Edward, shhh, I'm sleeping. This was the best night sleep in years." She tightened her arms around me.

"Baby girl, we can sleep later. Jake is here now. We need to get up."

"Don't tell me I can't see my soon to be wife," Jake said sharply before Bella's bedroom door swung open.

"Bella, I'm here to supr-" Jake's words were cut off as he took in the scene in his bed. "Uh, I was here to surprise you, but I guess I'm the one in for the surprise, huh?"

"Jake, it's not what you think," Bella quickly replied, jumping out of my arms and standing.

"Bella, look at you! You are in hardly any clothes, in bed with another man four days before our wedding. I think it is exactly what I think it is. For a girl who was waiting for marriage, you sure seem to have gotten over that. I guess it just depends on the guy whether you wait or not."

"Jake, we didn't do anything," Bella snipped.

"Then why are you in bed with him?" Jake's arms were crossed over his chest. He was pissed. I couldn't blame him for that.

I hopped out of bed, thanking God that my morning wood deflated as soon as Jake came in the room. I stepped up in a protective way in front of Bella.

"Look man, we fell asleep talking. No harm," I said, trying to help Bella out of this bind. I knew she wanted to tell Jake she was calling off the wedding, but this wasn't how she had wanted to go about it. She wanted to be able to sit him down and explain that she just wasn't in love with him like she should be, but with him finding us in bed, that changed things.

"You, don't talk. Everything was as it should be before you showed up out of nowhere and messed all of this up." Jake started to look around the room.

Bella's wedding dress was crumpled on the floor. I scanned the room with him. I was worried he would notice the ring he gave her sitting on the dresser.

He shook his head as he took in the state of her room. He knew more went on in here than just talking.

His eyes locked on Bella's. He took a deep breath and blew it out.

"Can we talk?" he asked her.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I said, butting in. Bella elbowed me with her left arm. Jake's eyes followed her movement, especially since she was touching me.

I knew the exact moment he saw the new sparkle on her finger. The sparkle that wasn't his. I knew because he took the two steps toward me, raised his fist, and everything went black.


	78. Chapter 78

**So... death by cat... that was me yesterday! We didn't stay long because the baby boy didn't react well at all. I've been sleeping most of the day and when awake taking care of a sad little man. Enjoy this and I will try and get a few more up this evening if RL permits.**

* * *

"Edward, are you with me?"

"His eyes are starting to flutter. I think he will be okay. You were right though; he is hot."

"Leah, he is knocked out cold and has a swollen face, and all you can think of is how hot he is?"

"Says the girl who was sleeping with him. What a way to break my brother's heart."

Bella sighed. I wanted to open my eyes and 'come to,' but I wanted to hear what she had to say.

"I know, Leah. I'm a bitch. I never should have agreed to marry Jake. He's just safe. He's simple. There were no complications with him. He made me happy and I knew some day he could make me more than happy, I just wanted to try and put Edward behind me, but that was stupid. I could never forget him."

"Well, I'm happy he came back before you two tied the knot and then you were stuck unhappy, but crap you need to learn how to break the news better."

"Well I wasn't planning on him showing up this morning. I had planned to sit him down and talk to him, but it didn't happen that way."

"Did you talk before Renee kicked him out?"

"Kind of. Edward dropped back to my bed after getting in two punches to Jake's three. I don't even think Edward was with it when he threw the punches either. His hits were pretty sloppy. Once Edward fell, Jake then looked like he was about to inflict me with the same treatment."

"I would have killed him!" Leah snarled.

"Yeah, I think a few people would have. As soon as Jake realized what he did, he raised his hands up in surrender. I told him I didn't love him like I should and some day he will find someone that would love him completely. I told him as much as I care for him; I will never love him like her deserves.

"It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but he accepted it. Right then Renee came in and when she saw Edward on the bed knocked out. Renee threatened to call the cops if he didn't get out and calm down. Jake took off and then I called you."

"What a mess."

"Yeah, but Edward's worth it all. Well, let's go get some ice and try and get this swelling down before he comes to."

I listened as Bella and Leah left the room. Once gone, I cracked my eyes open, but they hurt and didn't open all that much. I raised my hand to my face and felt the bumps and cuts.

As I pressed on my face, it hurt. I knew it would look bad, but it was worth it. I had my Bella back.

* * *

**I know some of you wanted Jake to go to jail. But think about it, Jake just walked in on the girl HE loves with another man. The girl he was supposed to marry. He had every right to be pissed.**


	79. Chapter 79

So now they are together... and we are all pretty happy about that. Some think Bella got off to easy, and yes Bella and Jake were still together, but really, if Edward threw himself on you, would you turn him down? I think not!

* * *

"Have I ever told you that you are sexy all cut up? Something about defending your woman. It's hot," Bella whispered into my ear. Her arms and legs were wrapped around my body.

A week had passed since my standoff with Jake. Once he calmed down, he was able to see that all of this was for the best.

I could tell it was hard on him to give her up. Bella was an amazing girl and I know he was upset that he was the one losing her.

"You've told me every day for the last week that being all beaten up and battered is sexy, but I will never get tired of hearing it." I pulled Bella closer to me and kissed her lightly.

Since I was in school, Bella and I hadn't spent a whole lot of time together, but she did come down and spend the last two nights with me.

Being able to hold Bella in my arms while I slept, and not having to hold back my touches or feelings was amazing.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked her as I kissed her forehead.

"We could go walk along the beach if the weather stays nice. Or," Bella paused as she flipped her body on top mine. "Or we could just stay in bed all day and I could do you."


	80. Chapter 80

Enjoy!

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"We should wait," I panted. I was hovering over Bella; her face flushed and her chest rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath. Her breasts were exposed and her nipples were hard from all of the licking, sucking and nipping my mouth inflicted to them.

"I don't want to wait." Her nails dug into my chest, as she drug them down my abdomen. Her fingers stopped at the top of my pants, toying with the band.

Her hand slipped down and brushed my very hard cock. Even touching me through my pants, I was on the edge of exploding.

"You, you said you wanted to wait until marriage."

She pulled her hand up and slowly slid it under the waist band of my pants. "I just said that to put it off. I guess I was holding out hope. That way I didn't have to do it until I absolutely had to. I guess deep down I was hoping you would be my first."

Holding myself up with one arm, I reached down and pulled her hand from my pants. "I don't want you to do this if you don't want to."

"Edward, it's pretty clear this is what I want. Please don't deny me."

I knew I had waited my life for this. I was a 'until marriage or until Bella' kind of guy, so why would it be so farfetched for Bella to be the same?

"Okay, but know it's probably going to suck and it won't last long."

"I don't care as long as it is with you." She took her free hand and placed it on the back of my head. She curled her fingers in the hair at the base of my neck and pulled me down toward her.

"I love you, Edward Cullen. I've waited a long time for this moment. Remember when I came to your house the night of turnabout our freshman year?"

"Yeah."

"I so badly wanted to spend the night with you that night, and not in the platonic way we had been. Something about that night, I saw you in a new light. Ever since then, this has been my dream."

"Well I did promise to make you smile, and I bet by making a dream come true, you will smile."


	81. Chapter 81

And the chapter we have ALL been waiting for!

* * *

After slowly stripping off the rest of our clothes, I was ready to go.

Well almost ready. I was hovering on top of her, so close to pushing in, but I couldn't.

"Edward, I promise, we will be okay without a, uh, a condom."

"But, Bella, what about, you know, getting pregnant," I said the words in a hushed tone, like someone was able to hear us.

"Edward, it can't happen. I'm on the pill. I've been on the pill since I was fifteen."

"Are you sure?"

"You've never been with anyone and neither have I. I'm sure."

I nodded my head and reached my hand down between us. I let my finger slide over her slick folds. She was ready for this. All of the kissing and teasing I had given her had set her on fire.

I slid a single finger into her. With all of our teasing I never entered her with any part of me, and now I was going to go all the way with her.

I pulled my finger out and Bella lifted her pelvis to me. She was ready.

I palmed my cock and placed the tip at her entrance. "There is no going back, baby girl. You sure?"

"Positive." Her words were breathless.

I pushed forward and slid into her. It was unbelievably tight and the air left my lungs as I was met with resistance. I placed my lips to Bella's and kissed her and I pushed on. I knew this was going to hurt her.

She moaned against my lips as I pushed past and made it all the way in.

"You okay?" I asked her.

She took a deep breath and nodded her head.

I moved slow, so very slow. She was so tight and I could feel all the blood rushing to my balls. I prayed I didn't come to fast and make our first time complete shit.

I held myself on one arm and played with her nipple with my other hand.

Bella met each and every one of my thrusts with an arch of her back, a pleasured moan or a tug on my hair.

All of the knowledge I had of the female anatomy left my mind being inside of her. I knew there were places I could touch and moves I could make that would send her over the edge, but at this moment, being in her, I forgot them all.

It was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt in my entire life.

"Uh, stop," Bella moaned.

"Why?"

"Because I want to-" she paused, as if unsure of what to say.

"We are together in every way, Bella, don't be shy."

"Roll over. Lay down."

I pulled my hips back; my body ached at the loss of being inside of Bella.

I flipped over and watched as Bella climbed on top of me. She looked at my very erect cock and cringed.

"I bled on you." Her face looked pained.

"It's okay." I placed my hands on her hips and pulled her on top of me. "Let's get that smile back on your face now."

I slid back into her and thrust my hips up against her.

My movements were fast and jerky. Her body went limp on top of mine as I pushed her over the edge right before I let myself go.

I didn't think it was possible, but as she came, her body got even tighter around me. The squeezing her body gave around me cock pushed me over the edge.

I wrapped my arms around Bella and kissed her where ever I was able to reach without pulling myself from her.

Bella batted her lashes and smiled at me. "That was worth the wait to be with you and only you in life."

* * *

I hate virgin sex...


	82. Chapter 82

"Edward, I'm so very happy for you. I know you father is too."

"Ma, don't even bother mentioning him. Since he couldn't bear to see his son graduate, we have no reason to talk about him."

"I can respect that. Will Bella be here?"

I laughed. "Like she would miss it. She's been waiting for me to graduate for a while. That way we can spend more time together. Clinicals were hard on us. "

Once Bella and I got together, I stopped fast tracking college and decided to go at a normal pace. Bella had decided to come down and start school with me the following fall. She was starting fresh as a freshman my junior year.

As I graduated now, she would be following behind me only in another year. Where I slowed down, she sped up. She was going to school for a criminal justice degree. She wanted to follow in her father's footsteps. I wasn't all that happy about her being at risk, but it was her life's ambition, so who was I to stop her.

I heard the key in the lock, as Bella and Renee walked in.

My mother hugged both women before looking back at me. "She sure is a beautiful woman. I'm so happy you two were able to get back together."

"We are as well," I said with a smile as I took Bella into my arms.

I graduated with honors and had a few job offers both in Chicago and New York. For now, I was going to work at Loyola in the ER until Bella graduated. Then I would look into other places. I knew I could go anywhere with the grades I had and find work. I would follow Bella no matter where she went.

After dinner and celebrations, Bella and I headed back to our small, off campus apartment.

"Let's go up to the roof. The sky is clear and I love the Chicago skyline when there are no clouds."

Bella agreed after yawning and took my hand.

I pushed the door open, and there was a small table and chairs. On the table was a lone candle flickering in the moonlight.

"We should blow that out," Bella said.

"Maybe."

"Way to be concerned, Edward." Bella released my hand and walked over to the table.

She paused and took a step back before looking back at me.

I knew she saw on the table the book of her letters I had made.

I left the book open to a newer one. One she wrote after she went back home after our first time.

In that letter she confessed everything she had felt, everything that had happened in her life since she left Forks. In that letter she told me that she always wished and wanted to be Mrs. Edward Cullen.

"Edward, what is this?"

"Bella, this is me making sure you always smile." I dropped down to one knee and I pulled out the ring I got for her this time. She still wore the one I gave her a little over two years ago, but now I wanted her to have one that would mean forever, no question about it.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I love you more than life itself. I promised you a while ago that I would make sure that you always smiled. I told you that I would be the man that you deserved. Let me be all of those things. Let me be true to you forever. Let me give you my life and soul. I love you. Marry me?"

Just the epi left


	83. Chapter 83

So you all know... I've appreciated each and every review. Hope you all enjoyed.

Here is the end...

* * *

"Uh, ah, fuck!" Bella screamed out. "Faster, no harder, just keep going."

Bella was gloriously tied to the bed. Her arms and legs restrained and therefore she was a platter on display for me. So many people said we were unlucky to be each other's first and last. They said we didn't learn to spice it up.

Were they ever wrong.

I pounded into Bella, my hands on her hips, lifting her up off the bed.

Just as she was about to come, just as I felt her body start to tighten around me, I pulled out.

She screamed in frustration, but quickly returned to moaning as my tongue met her clit. I pushed a finger into her, curling it up, right at her g-spot. As her legs started to shake, I pulled my finger out and pressed it lightly against her other hole.

I sucked on her clit, giving it a few licks as her body shook.

"Fuck, Edward. Just, uh, fuck."

"I can fuck. That is if you are not too tired." I watched her chest as it heaved up and down. I lightly licked her clit and watched her entire body react.

"Stop-"

"I can stop."

"No, don't stop, just don't tease me. Fuck me, Edward."

"Anything for you, Mrs. Cullen."

I kissed my way down to both of her ankles and untied her legs.

"Are you going to release my arms?" she asked.

They were tied to the headboard, directly above her head. It made her chest stick out.

"Nope, those are going to stay tied up."

I took both of her legs and pushed them so they both were pressed against her stomach. I slid my way back into her and then leg her legs relax on my shoulders.

I found a rhythm of movement that was just right. Not too fast, not too slow, but just good enough to make her toes curl.

I reached between us and lightly circled my thumb on her clit. Her body shook beneath me.

Just as she was about to come, I reached up and released her hands. She screamed out in pleasure as she grabbed hold of my arms.

"Uh, God, fuck!" I moaned out as I found my release with her.

I collapsed onto the bed and pulled Bella with me. She curled herself against my body. Her left hand rested against my heart.

"Have I told you how amazing that ring looks on your hand?"

"Only every time you have paused from you sexual assault over the last forty-eight hours."

"If you want me to stop, I can."

"Never!"

Bella and I were on our honeymoon. We were married two days earlier at a small ceremony back in Forks. We then hopped a plane to the Virgin Islands where we have been making love ever since. At times we are soft and sensual, and at other times we are fast and hard, but no matter what, it is always with passion.

As I kissed the bruises from a previous love making session, I looked into Bella's eyes.

"I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

"I love you, too, Mr. Cullen."

She smiled at me and her smile, if possible, shined brighter than the diamond that adorn her finger. I knew no matter what, I would make sure my wife would always smile.

As long as she smiles, I've done my job.

* * *

fin


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